Scent

Music: Playlist Wilson Hawk/RK, just played “Catch Up To Me” by RK

Mood: recovering

In my glass: Languedoc

Another lazy Friday - slept nearly all the day away. Pffff... I really needed that long sleep. But actually... I only “snooze” the last few hours (yep, the alarms go on every 10 minutes!!) and not really sleep. That’s a big difference!

In those snoozing hours I dreamt a lot. I only don’t remember what I dreamt. Well, one thing... the scent of a perfume, one of my faves. I can’t recall the dream at all but I’m sure I could smell the perfume in that dream - Tendre Poison.

I have 2 perfumes I soooooooo really love: Evelyn (guess it's called now "Evelyn Rose") and this Tendre Poison. I’m not very familiar with fragrances, I don’t wear (...or what’s the word?? put on?) them often. ...I mean, I don’t stink, do I????? LOL.

Anyway, if I do wear a fragrance, I like a “single floral” kind - like Evelyn. Or lavender or violet (ha, that Violet of Hema’s!! me likey!)... Nothing complex, just simply flowery. But Tendre Poison, that was a Christmas gift from R.’s father, is more... er... mature. It’s more for a “woman” than for a girl ;). Fresh, not sweet, not too heavy but not really “simple”... a bit spicy, a bit flowery, too. At least, that’s what I think of this scent. And I really like it. He knew me, perhaps, better than I do myself.

Hm... now I think, he is/was the only person who ever gave me a perfume... er.. no, that’s not true... R.’s mother and sister, too. ...All ex in-laws. :s

Evelyn, I bought it for myself once as a B-day present.

Er... so... hm, so... er.... what?

Well, maybe I put on a fragrance tomorrow.. (TP, then)... I should get rid of my “girlishness” once.... and be ready to be “all grey” ..... :’(

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Song now playing: “What I Lost” by Wilson Hawk

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Edit:

Heeey... ya, right, I had posted a couple of photos of my faves to Flickr....

and...

Bleeeeeeeeeh!

Music: Playlist L, right now “In a Broken Dream” by Thunder

Mood: Positive... but I’m so tired!!!!!

In my glass: Merlot

Alright, I have - if I want to - 4 hours to sleep now... Or perhaps I’d better stay up and start off the day right away... Nah, no, don’t think so. Because tomorrow (oops, today already, yaya...) I don’t have time for a nap, either. ...Bleeeeehhhh.... I’M SO TIRED!!!

Ah, I think I’m going to watch the news. Here in NL, all is quiet and peaceful... I mean, no dramatic changes and violence as in the Middel East or a big earthquake like in New Zealand. I shouldn’t complain about my daily problems (like my grey hair!). No, no, seriously, I will (at least for one week!) try not to take everything for granted.

Hm.... but now, I’m very sleepy... and I can’t even follow what I’m writing right now.

......ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.........

CHOCOLA-LA-LA-LA

Music: Playlist “Wilson Hawk + RK”, right now “How Do You Know” by Wilson Hawk

Mood: Upwards. Much better than yesterday. Yay!

In my glass: Shiraz

Bought a small box of chocolate... Lalalala... :)) But I save it for tomorrow. I ate much too much today and am now *stuffed*. Well, I have anyway something to look forward to!

I was very, very sleepy about an hour ago.... Now, having walked Fox in this bbbrrr-ffffffrrrrreeeezing cold, I’m soooooooo awake! :s

Hmmmm...... Not good. Very bad, actually.

It’s so frustrating. Why can't I take decent - er... good - pictures? My pics are so... er... daily, ordinary and mediocre :( Hm... guess that’s the story of my life :(((

Suddenly my mood goes downwards :s Oy, better stop now.

Alright, I must set my mind on the chocola-la-la-la for tomorrow! Ha, yay!!

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Music how playing: “Change” by RK.... yep, right-o, Richie, “Nothing’s gonna change till you change....”

Thoughts

Music: Playlist P, now playing “I Don’t Want To Be With Nobody But You” (from “Electric Pow Wow”) by Stevie Salas

Mood: absent

In my glass: Shiraz

Cleaned the kitchen - not 100% but enough for now... and I deserve a glass of Shiraz :)

Went out yesterday for dinner and some beer with R. Oops, I didn’t know it was so late and... I missed the last direct train back :s Oh well, it’s not the end of the world, there are night trains.. it only takes *a little* longer. I was home again before 3:30. Not bad :P Much earlier than Saturday last week; that morning I came back home after 8 o’clock from a B-day party. But it was because S. and me really needed to have a *serious* talk after the party. She has problems - I wish I could do more for her... truly.

Er... where was I?

Oh, yes, “thoughts”....

Looking at the pictures - I was there, he was there :)

.....It’s a sweet thought.

Hm... but then, it’s only me and it won’t be answered... Hopeless and impossible. Like S. says: “You know that yourself very well, don’t you?”

.....it’s a *%_&%$)*(~!!!* thought :’(

Fox.... Although he is not ill or suffering from a pain (well, it’s hard to say but, no, I don’t think he is), he is - er... “worn out”. I should not keep him too long only because I want to....

.....It’s a sad thought.

And when Fox is not around anymore... then it’s time for me to leave here, too. “Here” - this house, this place. But-er... to where?? And how?? When I think about it, I already feel myself like a homeless.

.....It’s a scary thought.

It’s freezing cold outside. Clear sky, bright moon. All quiet and everyone sleeps.

.....It’s a lonely thought... .....no idea why,

...Nah, Kymdot, Kymdot... don’t be so serious, don’t be so down and blue. Keep - when you have it - that warm thought. Try to keep it for a while. Kymdot, Kymdot, you are Kymdot and you know you can :)

(....NOT :s)

...Ah, ....B.B. King again, with “Please Accept My Love”. Hm.. I see I have this song 4 times on this playlist. ....Once (or twice) too many, perhaps.

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Serious

(Richard Hawley)

When you are in love

Ah, you feel the stars above

There’s no devil in her eyes

There’s no darkness in disguise

But when you are alone

A kiss can turn your heart to stone

Hearts breaking in the night

There’s a devil in her eyes

Oh, it’s serious, so serious

A kiss that caught the wind made you delirious

Oh, it’s serious, so serious

Take her in your arms, don’t be afraid

Never be afraid

When you are in love

All the stars burn bright above

There’s a kindess in her eyes

There’s no darkness in disguise

Oh, but when you are alone

Oh, your heart it turns to stone

Hearts breaking in the night

There’s a devil in her eyes

Oh, it’s serious, so serious

A kiss that caught the wind made you delirious

Oh, it’s serious, so serious

Take her in your arms, don’t be afraid

Never be afraid

Oh, it’s serious, so serious

A kiss that caught the wind made you delirious

Oh, it’s serious, so serious

So take her in your arms, don’t be afraid

Never be afraid

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written by Richard Hawley

The question is...

Music: “It’s Only Rock n Roll”/The Rolling Stones (right now: Ain’t Too Proud To Beg)

Mood: slightly - and very slowly - upwards

In my glass: Shiraz (Australian)

Lazy day - my typical “the day after Thursday”

R. (a Dutch) was once explaining to J. (an American, from Nebraska!) how to get back to the high way.

- “...So, you turn right at the end of the street. Keep on the left lane then you eventually go into a tunnel.”

- “...ok...”

- “...If you come out of the tunnel, take the right lane and follow it till the first traffic lights....”

- “...er... ok. But... what if I don’t come out of the tunnel???”

Ha! For the first time it was really clear to me (in a situation like this, anyway): the difference between “if” and “when”. At least, I don’t remember my English teachers at school ever had explained it.

And it’s also a bit funny that the Dutch can make the same kind of mistake.

Hm... then.... a question I have right now: is it “if” or “when”?

Wish I knew.

Tune now playing: “Dance Little Sister” (from “It’s Only Rock N Roll”)

...good old Stones!

In A Broken Dream

Music: Playlist P, playing right now: “Everybody Wants Her” by Thunder

Mood: hovering

In my glass: Shiraz

Bbbbwa... I hate Thursdays!!

Have had only 5+ hours of sleep in 2 days. It’s in a way, I know, my own fault. It feels like a real survival. ...OK, and I survived another Thursday (so it seems).

Yesterday I talked to Ms. W. again, who is trying to help me “sorting things out”.

She said she was glad that I was “finally” open to her a bit. Hm.. haven’t I been all this time?? I’m a simple soul, I’m that-er... “WYSIWYG”.... no?

Hm... well, ya, I admit, I don’t talk much about myself unless you ask me “a question” - unless you ask me to tell you - er... about.. some certain subject. Otherwise I wouldn’t, indeed, have much to tell... no.

Fox fell down the stairs to the basement! OMG!!

I was - I don’t know why ‘cause I don’t do that often on Thursday eve - vacuum cleaning. I had accidentally left the door open to the basement. I saw him going in there and of course ran after him to grab him.. but no, I was too late. I just missed him and saw him really go rolling down the stairs. It went so fast and quick and I couldn’t do a thing but running after him. OMG, it’s my fault, it’s my fault! He can’t see a thing, can’t hear, either, my poor Foxie.

He... it seems he’s alright, nothing serious. He’s snoring right now in his basket. Oh, but, if he...

I don’t think he’ll be around next year.. no. Oh, no, Foxie... it is going to be really hard to... let him go.

Oh my.... and I still miss Ponta, too.

Oops... It’s now 4 in the morning.

I’d better stop now and go to bed... but I can’t. Don’t know why. I just can’t.... I don’t want to, either.

Aaaaarrrgggh!!

It’s so hard... tough... harsh... (and what more???) when...... when....

:”(

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...while I'm editing this post...

Music now playing: "Crystal Ball"

......... :'(

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In A Broken Dream

(Thunder)

Every day I spend my time, drinking wine, feeling fine
Waiting here to find a sign, that I can understand
yes I am
In the days between the hours, Ivory towers, bloody flowers
Push their heads into the air
I don't care if I ever know, there I go

Don't push your love too far
your wounds won't leave a scar
Right now is where you are, in a broken dream

On the pad before my eyes, paper cries, telling lies
The promises you gave, from the grave of a broken heart
In the days between the hours, Ivory towers, bloody flowers
Push their heads into the air
I don't care if I ever know, there I go

Don't push your love too far
your wounds won't leave a scar
Right now is where you are, in a broken dream

Did someone bow their head?
Did someone break the bread?
Good people are in bed, before nine o' clock

Every day I spend my time, drinking wine, feeling fine
Waiting here to find a sign, that I can understand
yes I am

Oh, don't push your love too far

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written by Luke Morley

Back in the kitchen

Music: Playlist “top rated”, now playing “Custard Pie” by Derek Trucks

Mood: hm... lemmethink...

In my glass: Bordeaux (why don’t they mention which grapes instead of the region? The French... :s)

Today’s score: 6/10 (ha, better than a few days ago!)

Baked an apple pie. Well, it’s only a very simple, quick pie - kind of “ad lib” and no recipe. But but but with some cream drizzled over on it, it’s very nice :)

Haven’t been “cooking” for a while. Just too much work to “cook” (seriously) only for myself. But perhaps it’s a sign that I’m neglecting myself. I should take better care of my dear self. So, ...I’ll try to cook something nice (=not only those routine pastas and such) at least once a week. Yep... hm.. think I’m going to dig in my cookbooks now.

Music now playing: “Houston” by MCC (heeeeeey.... =D)

Crazy as me

Music: playlist P, right now “Crazy As Me” by Allison Krauss & Union Station

Mood: neutral

In my glass: Tempranillo

So, I’m at that optometrist’s. He asks how it has been with the contacts.

I say, “Well, I can’t see up close, within a meter and as I’m mostly at computer, I have actually been wearing my reading glasses all the time. Is it supposed be like that?”

He says, “...hm, ya, think so”.

I say, “Then, I don’t think I like that. I mean, what’s the use of the contacts then if I have still to wear glasses all the time??”

Anyway, I’m going to have glasses this time only to wear when needed (like driving a car... if I ever do). So, I’m again to make an appointment to have my sight checked. The assistant (a young girl) says, “Let me see... oh, it’s February already! Time flies so fast!”

I say, “yea... it does. We have just had Christmas, eh.”

She says, “Right, ya. and now the St. V’s is just around the corner!”

My eyes roll. Thank you, Miss, for the reminder.

Bleh, I never like(d) Christmas... St. V’s, either (Oh how I hated St. V’s in Japan!!).

On my way home, indeed, all I saw was those hearts and roses - the St. V’s merchandise. :s

Hm... alright, I think I’ll treat myself to a box of chocolate or something.

It smells ..em... like... hm, I mean, it just “stinks”. Yep, this old dog of mine. I shampooed him only 2 weeks ago and I washed his blankets... Nothing helps. :s

Well, what can I do? He’s my sweet dog. He can’t help it, either.

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Music now playing: "Crazy Little Thing Called Love".

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EDIT:

hm... er... Not that I really “chose”.. it just turned out that way. And how it goes...

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Crazy As Me

(Allison Krauss & Union Station)

I'm used to being alone

Except for six month flings with diamond rings

And phone bills that outweigh the phone

This is the life that I chose

I got no complaints if he is

If he ain't, and if he is I guess he'll send me a rose

Just don't ask me for the truth if you choose to lie honey

And don't try to open my door with your skeleton key

Some folks seem to think I only got one problem

I can't find nobody as crazy as me

I still love what I know

I love to ride alone and sing a song and listen to the radio

You can ride along and if you change your mind, well

That's just fine, but there's somethin' that you got to know

Just don't ask me for the truth if you choose to lie honey

And don't try to open my door with your skeleton key

Some folks seem to think I only got one problem

I can't find nobody as crazy as me

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written by R.L. Castleman & Melanie Castleman

LET GO!!!

Music: Play list “most played”, right now “Fooled Again” by RK (with headphones on -at max vol - and on repeat mode... go figure.. :s)

Mood: empty

In my glass: Tempranillo

Today’s score: 6/10 (I have my work done)

...Feeling exhausted and empty as always on Thursdays

Been working hard. Thinking, wondering, worrying, sobbing... all hard, too. So.... I think I have deserved this nice glass of Tempranillo very well.

I miss the time that I could get “drunk”, could “let go”. No worries about what I must do the next day. *Those were the times* that I suddenly had that big “lump” on my forehead or that nasty cuts on my knees but didn’t remember how all that had happened.

It’s just... I cannot get “drunk” as I’d like to. I’ve got to meet the deadline or finish this or that or... got to walk Fox, my boy,... Would be *nice* to forget everything, let all the worries *go* for a moment.. and then close my eyes, let myself “fall”. Er... ya, of course, there should be the strong arms there to catch me.

*SIGH*

... am going to pour another glass. I won’t get drunk - or even tipsy - anyway....

Oh but it tastes good... I haven’t had that for days!!! :)

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The tune now playing: “Catch Up To Me” by RK. Oy, .... it sure did... it has. :'( :"(

Random thoughts

Music: Muddy Waters

Mood: incoherent

In my glass: Cabernet Sauvignon

Todays score: 4/10 (bad day)

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I was sooooo sleepy last night (this morning) that I really had to lie down and have a nap.... “just for one hour”, I thought. But-er... it became 6 long hours! Means I had already 4 hour delay at that time :( Plus, due to my lack of concentration I couldn’t finish my work as I had planned. :’(

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random thoughts:

(hm, now I think I shouldn’t do this when I’m at work :s)

2:00 pm

No productivity, no motivation... Aargh!

2:30 pm

There must be something wrong with me. If not, I must be doing something wrong. Anyway something’s wrong.. but WHAT?

2:45 pm

Always thought he was singing: “Love is lonely, ....Let it grow”. “That’s true”, I thought. Hm, just found out it’s actually “love is lovely”. Er... ok.

Ya, I mishear words often... like, “You can leave your head on...”.

3:00 pm

Oops... Yikes! I’d better not go on FB today... for a couple of hours anyway. There’s something I really don’t want to see...

5:05 pm

The higher you climb, the harder you fall.... So, today it’s a big OUCH!

Er.... but that’s what I wanted, wasn’t it?

I feel, therefore I am. Right.

5:30 pm

Need to take a day off (or two) from being me. Which me?

5:56 pm

Coffee - cappu - makes me feel only sleepier.

8:20 pm

Oh no,... Fox is acting strange.... hope not he’s ill :(

4:44 am

...still wondering what is wrong with me/what I’m doing wrong.

AARGH!!