AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

:))))))))))))))))

...I’m such a simple soul.

:))))))))))))))))

Airport stories

Music: Playlist P, now playing “Every Morning” by Keb’ Mo’ (from “Keb’ Mo’”)

Mood: *sigh*.... better than yesterday

In my glass: Cabernet Sauvignon

I was, I think, 17 when I was at an airport for the fist time in my life.. I was at high school at that time. Went to see/welcome that Russian volleyball player.... heehee.. I had been watching the Russian language course on TV and when he was there I walked up to him and said a few sentences in Russian. :) He was impressed, for sure! (well, me thinks)

I’m usually “very much” on time at the airport when I fly (travelling on my own). I have plenty of time to walk around, have coffee (& some goodies), look in the shops... I find interesting, too, to watch people. I wonder where they come from/go to, why they are there at that particular airport. Every one of the people must have his/her story to tell, I think,

It happened to me twice that I cried at the airport.

The first time it was back in... pff.. April 1982. You know, you see (in movies or reality) people cry at the airport or at the train station, seeing off their beloved. But I had never thought I would do that, that it would happen to me. I still remember that day.. my tears were endless. In the train(s) from the airport to my home, too, I kept crying. Then, when I was, I think, somewhere halfway it started to snow. It snowed and snowed, it was very unusual in April.

This time, I was just behind (? I had just passed) the pasport control and somehow I had to stop and check mails. Ha, right, I shouldn’t have, no... I read those words and burst into tears. It seemed so unreal - that.. and this past weekend. I look up, shake my head and walk on. I need coffee. I was ordering a cappuccino large when this young man asked me the time. I, with my red eyes and nose, could only show my “guitar” watch to him. He said, “hey, cool” and I said, “yea, I know, it’s cool”. Later on, I sat in the lounge at the huge window with a nice view. The guy again found me there, came to sit next to me and started to talk. It was so nice and kind of him, actually. He was about to fly to London - he’s a British and lives right now in Colombia where his wife comes from.

Anyways, we were having a nice conversation when I heard announcement that I should have my passport checked in for the flight again. I said goodbye to him in haste and left there.

Later, I wanted to thank him and went back there but of course he was not there anymore.

Hm... Blunder of me. No chance, I think, anymore to meet him somewhere again and thank him in the future.

Um... I often feel a bit awkward when people ask why I live in Holland. ‘Cause I don’t know myself... er.. no, not true. I know why. I only can’t say if I like it or not. Er... not 100% true, either. I like it, yes I do. But I can’t deny that I often feel I’m stuck and left alone here.

...I might need to edit this post later.

For now... I think it’s ok.

Tune now playing: “Fall At Your Feet” by Jesse Cook

....Oops... and again, you know, there are songs, if you hear them in the morning on the radio, that would never go away and that keep playing in your head the rest of the day.

This is one of them. :s

Well, um.. ok, Keith (=David) was so cute.

---------------------

I Think I Love You

(The Partridge Family)

I'm sleeping

And right in the middle of a good dream

like all at once I wake up

From something that keeps knocking at my brain

Before I go insane

I hold my pillow to my head

And spring up in my bed

Screaming out the words I dread:

"I think I love you!" (I think I love you)

This morning, I woke up with this feeling

I didn't know how to deal with

And so I just decided to myself

I'd hide it to myself

And never talk about it

And didn't I go and shout it

When you walked into my room.

"I think I love you!" (I think I love you)

I think I love you

So what am I so afraid of?

I'm afraid that I'm not sure of

A love there is no cure for

I think I love you

Isn't that what life is made of?

Though it worries me to say

That I've never felt this way

I don’t know what I’m up against

I don’t know what it’s all about

I got so much to think about

Hey,

I think I love you

So what am I so afraid of?

I'm afraid that I'm not sure of

A love there is no cure for

I think I love you

Isn't that what life is made of?

Though it worries me to say

I've never felt this way

Believe me

You really don't have to worry

I only want to make you happy

And if you say,

hey, go away, I will

But I think better still

I better stay around and love you

Do you think I have a case?

Let me ask you to your face:

Do you think you love me?

I think I love you

I think I love you

I think I love you.....

-------------------

written by Tony Romeo

“Times can change but nothing lasts...”

Music: “Fooled Again” by Richie Kotzen (from “Go Faster”) - on repeat mode

Mood: $@&*%￡@)&>_<*￡@??!!!!GGGRRRRRRRR!!$

In my glass: Cabernet Sauvignon

It hurts....

Hm... it’s been a week already.

Can’t get enough of the solo... A masterpiece.

----------------------------

Fooled Again

(Richie Kotzen)

Here I go playin’ the fool again...

Yea I am, I am, I am

Tired and broken by the changing hands

Missin’ what I never had...

Not a dream not a thought not a one desire

nothin’ needed

All the fear all the loss all the pain in me has all faded

I’m losin’ sleep for the last time

I’m in too deep it’s no surprise...

So here I go playin’ the fool again...

Yea I am, I am, I am

Tired and broken by the changing hands

Missin’ what I never had

I shoulda known by the jaded past

Times can change but nothing lasts

I never thought of being fooled again

But I am, I am, I am...

Not a lie not a fight won’t be traumatized

by my anger...

Not too strong not too weak

I can’t turn around for a stranger

I feel the heat I’m tempted still

I can’t be led by your own will

So here I go playin’ the fool again...

Yea I am, I am, I am

Tired and broken by the changing hands

Missin’ what I never had

I shoulda known by the jaded past

Times can change but nothing lasts

I never thought of being fooled again

But I am, I am, I am...

-------------------

written by Richie Kotzen

Moonlight Serenade

*Really, I have had to change the title from "The Name of the Rose" to "Moonlight Serenade". Wowie, Sis!!

Music: “The Union” by The Union (now playing: “Holy Roller”)

Mood: Instable. Feeling like a flat tyre as well.

In my glass: Tempranillo

Hectic days.

Can’t concentrate on my work = delay, delay, delay = no sleep.

I had only one hour to sleep this morning - 7 to 8 :(

Falling on the sofa to have a few hour nap, was the first thing I did when I was done with my weekly mag. Pffffff....

I’m supposed be working right now (aaarrgh... administration!! I hate it!!) but no, not tonight.

Oh-oh... there goes my weekend... :(

Worrying about Fox. He’s getting old... well, he IS old. Can’t help thinking about something André said: “If he were my dog, I would....”. Um.... :’(

Know that feeling that you suddenly can’t move? Your heart being squeeeeeezed, you can’t breathe, falling apart? And then slowly floating away?

---------------------

Hmm...

Love this rose, "Taboo". Beautiful deep red rose.

Soft and velvety.

Just like this rose, it was.

- Hope you know what I mean -

Crystal Ball

Ah, ya, those moments that I (used to) call “Crystal Ball” moments.

Actually I’m not sure if I should be glad to have them again.

Well, because these past few years, I haven’t had even those, either. ...Better than nothing, me thinks.

:(

Crystal Ball

(Styx)

I used to like to walk the straight and narrow line

I used to think that everything was fine

Sometimes I’d sit and gaze for days through sleepless dreams

All alone and trapped in time

All alone and trapped in time

I wonder what tomorrow has in mind for me

Or am I even in its mind at all

Perhaps I’ll get a chance to look ahead and see

Soon as I find myself a Crystal Ball

Soon as I find myself a Crystal Ball

Tell me, tell me where I’m going

I don’t know where I’ve been

Tell me, tell me won’t you tell me

And then tell me again

My heart is breaking

My body’s aching

And I don’t know where to go

So tell me, tell me

Won’t you tell me

I’ve just got to know

(Crystal Ball)

There are so many things I need to know

(Crystal Ball)

There are so many things I’ve got to know

(Crystal Ball)

Won’t you tell me, please, before I go

Crystal Ball

-------------------

written by Tommy Shaw

...But even then...

Still it's hard and I'm scared. No, I can't help it.
"No one knows what it's like... ...being me".
One of those moments...

My Heart Grows Wings

Music: “Like a Satellite (live)” by Thunder (from “Half a Dosen of the Other”)

Mood: anxious

In my glass: Scapa 16 yo

I’m feeling finally better, yes.... Like, well, 25 years ago ;)

But the fact that I’m slowly walking out of my “safety zone” makes me a little scared.

My “safety-Thunder-zone”, that is.

Yep, I’ll hit my head on walls, stairs, trees, parked cars... just like Fox does. It will hurt, I will cry. But the thing is... I don’t want to miss a thing.... Joy or pain, it doesn’t matter. I want to feel it. Because all this time I missed it. I just want to be there, I want to feel alive. It is worth it and I am worth it.

Haaaaaaaah-ha! That’s, I guess, scapa’s doing ;) and “my heart grows wings” :)

----------------

Music now playing: “I Take My Chances” by Mary Chapin Carpenter

Broken ring

Music: “Fall at Your Feet” by Jesse Cook (from “Free Fall”)

Mood: neutral (but feeling ill.. darn, that flu again!)

In my glass: Merlot

Grrrrrr... again, that nasty flu! How can I get ill twice in a month????? I’m feeling very *bad* now :( And of course, even when I’m not ill, I don’t feel like working. When I’m ill... pfffffff.... Well, it will be a really serious working day tomorrow. Beh!

And just when I thought I’d go to sleep, I got this photo idea... “a broken ring”. Ya, ya, I have that ring still somewhere... er.. but where?? Yew, can’t find it!

Hm.... I think I have thrown it away. Yep, I must have. Well, Kym., that’s even better that you don’t have it anymore! Forget that stupid photo idea!

OK. So no broken ring and now I’m about to go to bed... after this glass.

I might, though, take a photo of the other ring, which is not broken. Hm, I’ll have to work that idea out...

The tune now playing: again “Fall at Your Feet”.

5000 (s)miles

Music: “Crawl” by Lynyrd Skynyrd (from “Vicious Cycle”)

Mood: upwards/downwards

In my glass: Merlot (cheap but OK)

:) x 5000

Oh ya, correction...

It’s not just the weekend away or off. Of course I’d love that anyway.. but it’s more... er... well, never mind. When I know how to put it, I’ll write it down in my Pink Notebook.

Pfff... what else... Ah, it’s been a busy week again... at least, in my head.

Note:

still to think/write about: coincidence, “safety zone”, New Year, Fox, Mom, D-thingy, photobooks, ......

....a lot.

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...I've been away for so long that I don't remember which font and which size etc. I was using for this journal. *sigh*

------------------

The song now playing: I Love You More Than Rock 'n' Roll by Thunder