Oh no…. :(

Music: “Crawl”/Lyn. Skyn.
Mood: mixed
In my glass: Malbec

Received the info/overview of the second year of the photography college. “Oh no!” was my first reaction. …Oh no… no, I can’t . I wouldn’t survive it. It’s too hard! And I also know already that I’m going to miss one class… Oy, that will make it even harder for me :(

Now I really have to think and ask myself:
Am I really determined to do this? Is my will strong enough? Aren’t I a bit too old for this?
I will need a lot of help from my friends… It’s always hard for me and I don’t feel comfortable to ask for help. Do I dare to ask people to help me?
And of course, the biggest Q is… well, I know by now I shouldn’t think this way but can’t help… Am I good enough? Is this all worth it?

It’s going to be a super tough time for me… And at the hardest moments, I’ve got nobody to turn to (except for my silly “crush” in the 5 dimensional world).

Right… Every time I had to do the assignments during the first year, I felt the same. And yes, when I read the exam assignments, it was exactly the same – I was discouraged and hopeless. I didn’t think I’d ever make it. I was giving up. Still, hah, I made it!!
Right, right, so… all I can do now is just try and see how it goes.
At least, I’m happy when I’m taking pics. With my PJ in my hand, I can’t but smile :)

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Strange things happen…

1) My cell-phone is working again. I haven’t done or changed anything. Dunno how and why but it rings again. Strange.
2) I can access an old email box again. I haven’t been able to use it since March or so; it kept asking my password again and again and again and… again just endlessly. I was thinking of canceling the contract with that provider. Yesterday all of a sudden, thunderbird received about 250 messages (many of them were from the provider telling me that the mailbox was full). Strange. I’m going to cancel it anyway.

(edit: It seems I still can't access my account so I can't empty the mailbox. Strange)

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What makes one feel happy and satisfied?

Read in the papers some time ago.
Some people just can’t stand it when they know/think the others have more. Some people are happy only when they know they have more than the others do. It doesn’t matter what and how much they have; their happiness and satisfaction depend on how much MORE they have than the others.
Isn’t that stupid? (Hah, but now I think, I know a couple of people like that…)

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Song now playing: “Play That Funky Music”/Thunder

Silly me

Music: “A Million Faces”/Thunder
Mood: er…feeling stupid again
In my glass: Malbec… (*only* 2 glasses; left over from last night. *Need* some more :( )


I was looking through the… er.. "photos" and suddenly, though for just a short while – like 5 sec. – felt so silly and stupid… sad and pathetic, too.
But then, very soon, I said to myself “So, then, what can I do about it?” …Nothing right now. Hmm. Silly me.

*Sigh*

Been working too much, I think. That is never good for me :(

Fox, my sweet Fox

Music: “Living for Today”/Thunder
Mood: “In My Darkest Hour”
In my glass: Primitivo

Reading “Flirtcoach” (by Peta Heskell, Dutch translation).
Have just read a chapter about “symbols”. The Q is: which animal do you think symbolizes you at your best? Which animal symbolizes how you wish to be?
I couldn’t think of any animal or any object. At last I thought of Fox.

OK, what are his characteristics?
- sweet
- social
- friendly
- joyful
- unique (he’s definitely different from other dogs. He’s Fox. Hahaha!)
- entertainer (he makes you smile)
- pure
- innocent
- carefree
- patient
- curious
- playful
- “living for today” (no worries about the past or the future)

oh.. and-er….
- lazy and slow…. But I consider it as “laid back and calm” :)

It’s also possible that he has (some of) those characteristics from me, no?

Right now I’m full of worries and negative thoughts, am pessimistic, troubled, closed and defensive. I should loosen up and lay back a bit, yes, like Fox. Close my eyes and take a deep breath. Just let it go. I should.

----------------------

Living for Today
(Thunder)

Looking down from the mountains
And out to the sea
You’re aware in a moment,
You’re nothing in the scheme

But your vanity told you, you’re more than a dot
And your arrogance keeps you,
From thinking that you’re not
So when it hits you, you’re fading away
Cos you won’t live forever, start living for today

And the seasons are changing, faster all the time
Every day seems to pass by in the wink of an eye

Old man on the corner, laughing like a child
Clinging to a bottle, his broken eyes wild
Kept on a laughing, the people turned away
But he knows something we don’t, he’s living for today

So you crawl through your lifetime, a slave to the grind
But time overtook you, and left you far behind
So don’t bother running, the moment is gone
Eats you like a cancer, but still you struggle on
Why try to fight it, you’re dying anyway?
The future doesn’t matter
When you’re living for today

Are you living for today?

Looking down from the mountains and out to the sea
You’re aware in a moment, you’re nothing in the scheme

But your vanity told you, you’re more than a dot
And your arrogance keeps you, from thinking that you’re not
So when it hits you, you’re fading away
Cos you won’t live forever, start living for today

You’re fading away
You’re fading away

Start living for today
Start living for today

--------------------
written by Luke Morley

...

Music: “Love Walked In”/Thunder
Mood: *sigh*
In my glass: Malbec

…Love doesn’t walk in… it wouldn’t.
And, … I’m not sure if I still have my door then.

Looking on the bright side….

Music: “Custard Pie”/Derek Trucks
Mood: deep down
In my glass: Côtes du Rhône

Worked a lot this weekend… while I was still supposed to be having a summer break. Plus, had to dig in my old papers, figures, numbers and such. Beh!
Mood – deep down… mwa… Well-er, life is just how you look at it, they say. I shouldn’t be so down – yet – perhaps. Still, it’s really “narrow” and dark right now. Don’t know where it leads me to.

--------------------

…And then, AngelM sent me the brightest sunshine :) so bright that it made me cry :")

I have these wonderful people around me – some near, some afar. What are most important in life? I’d put “friends” very high on the list – maybe at the top.
Like, “you can have all the money, I’ll take my friends”.

--------------------

Ponta is still acting strange. He eats well, plays (and sleeps) just as usual. But he sometimes all of a sudden meows very loud and –er.. starts walking around as if he sees or hears or feels something scary. A few minutes later he calms down. Hope it’s nothing to worry about.

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Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
(The Monty Python)

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

------------------------
written by Eric Idle


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Music now playing: “What a Beautiful Day”/Thunder

Future

Music: “Love Walked In”/Thunder
Mood: …er…..
In my glass: Montepulciano d’Abruzzo

Heavy. Tough. Hard. Harsh. Even desperate. BUT I’ll survive, ooh yes, I sure will.

BTW, I have just written a comment to the comments on this pic. Well said, huh? I can hardly believe myself saying that! ;)

Fortune cookie


--------------
The song now playing: “I Love You More Than Rock n’ Roll”/Thunder

…but not now….

Music: “Like a Satellite”/Thunder
Mood: “in other dimension”
In my glass: Côte du Rhône

What would you do when your life is really, really, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrreally harsh and hard on you?

- shut down everything and go to sleep.
Ya, I would...

- just smile and go to sleep.
Yes, I would...!

- drink all the wine you’ve got in the house and go to sleep.
Oh, yes, I'd love to! Let me see…. I have French, Italian, Californian, Spanish…mmmm

- drink all the wine and take all the “stuff” you’ve got in the house and go to sleep.
Hah, I’d love to!

- …and never wake up again.
…Could be a good, serious option… But not now.

Besides, I don’t have any “stuff” in the house.


----------------------------

The CDs arrived today. Yay! YAY!!!
So, I put one in my PC… … Huh??? What I see on the WMP screen is “Evan Parker”. …Er… is it the CD I ordered?????
So, I play the first track before starting ripping… Hah! Phew! The music that blasts there doesn’t really sound like him. OK, ok… I’ll have a listen to Parker’s “Six of One” someday…

But not now.

---------------------------

Annie came along. She has brought me a nice n’ cozy eve. It’s always nice to see her :)

---------------------------

Gosh! I have so many things to do!
…But not now, not tonight. Tonight, I just want to dream.

--------------------------

But if nobody loves you
And you feel like dust
On an empty shelve
Just remember
You can love yourself
(From “You Can Love Yourself”, written by Kevin Moore)

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Music now playing: “A Million Faces”/Thunder

(hm… what if I was the 1,000,001st? …:( )

Telephone

Music: “Love Worth Dying For”/Thunder
Mood: neutral
In my glass: Côtes du Rhône

Need a new cell-phone. OK, it’s still working… in a way. I can call, I can be called. But it doesn’t ring. It was acting weird of late and I was afraid it would stop working soon. Now it appears that it doesn’t ring – doesn’t make a sound when someone calls. The worst of all, I can’t use it as an alarm clock any more, either! :P

Hm… but anyway, he wouldn’t call. Hah, he hasn’t got my number. Well, even if he had, he wouldn’t call. So, what does it matter actually?? I could buy a new alarm clock instead of a telephone.

:(

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Music now playing – “Constipated Duck”/Jeff Beck

-----------------------

Call Me
(Blondie)

Color me your color, baby.
Color me your car.
Color me your color, darling.
I know who you are.
Come up off your color chart.
I know where you're coming from.

Call me (call me) on the line.
Call me, call me any anytime.
Call me(call me)I'll arrive.
You can call me any day or night.
Call me!

Cover me with kisses, baby.
Cover me with love.
Roll me in designer sheets.
I'll never get enough.
Emotions come, I don't know why.
Cover up love's alibi.

Call me (call me) on the line.
Call me, call me any anytime.
Call me (call me)I'll arrive.
When you're ready we can share the wine.
Call me.

Ooh, he speaks the languages of love.
Ooh, amore, chiamami (chiamami).
Ooh, appelle-moi, mon cheri (appelle-moi).
Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, anyway!
Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, any day!

Call me (call me) in my life.
Call me, call me any anytime.
Call me (call me) au revoir.
Call me, call me for some overtime.
Call me (call me) in my life.
Call me, call me any sweet desire.
Call me, call me for your lover's lover's alibi.
Call me (call me) inner line.
Call me, call me any anytime.
Call me.
Oh, call me, ooh ooh ah.
Call me in my life.
Call me, call me any anytime

------------------------------
written by Giorgio Moroder/Deborah Harry

Distance

Music: “Love Worth Dying For”/Thunder
Mood: melancholic
In my glass: Italian white (well chilled!)

The first week of my two week summer break has past already. Well, it’s a so called break but not really - I’ve got so much (catch up) work to do :( OK, 2 weeks WITHOUT the stressful weekly deadline… that counts!

-----------------------

Heeeeeey…. I have (“finally” you’d say) discovered YouTube! Hahahahah! OK, OK, I have watched several old Japanese video clips before… but never really surfed there. Last night I was watching some clips (you could guess what clips…LOL!) and forgot to feed/walk Fox. Oy, sorry sweetie, it won’t happen again.
Haha, yes, but I tell you, it’s not as much fun as Flickr. I don’t think I’ll get addicted to YouTube.. no, don’t think so.

------------------------

What I feel is… the distance and it’s not a matter of kilometres or miles or hours… it’s a…er… the fifth dimensional thingy. The distance between two completely different worlds.

Oh, and I have no idea what the fifth dimension means actually. It’s something for Adam, one of my dear fellow fanmencos, isn’t it?? Anyway, I checked it on Wiki and…. still have no idea :P
Ah, but I saw something like “alternate realities”…. Perhaps that’s the one.


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I’m a bit worried about Ponta. He has lost his weight since last week. He’s very thin now… he doesn’t look or act ill, just doesn’t want to eat the usual dry food – all of a sudden – , eats only canned. I checked his teeth and they look alright…
Hope it’s nothing to worry about… hm..

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Made the telephone call. What a good girl I am… hah!

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Oooh, I hear thunder! I mean, thunder! Oh yes, right… heavy thundershowers are expected tonight…

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Music now playing: “Surrender 2 Love”/OL