Slowly but steadily... (2)

Music: Playlist P3, now playing “Free Fall”/Jesse Cook

Mood: *AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!*

In my glass: Merlot/Malbec

It is indeed “slowly”.   But “steadily”?  Hm... not really.  It’s like “one step forward, three steps back.”  When one problem is solved, two new problems come up.  From nowhere, just like that.  Is it all those planets’ doing?  Or is it the time of the year?  Or... yeah, I must be doing something wrong.  But what?  Tell me.  

Sometimes I’m feeling so hopeless and helpless.  Would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on.  Or... a bully or kitties to talk to.. to pat on.  

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One step forward, yes.  And it’s a big one.  To me, anyway.

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I miss those hectic days in Berlin.  I was there because my friends had asked me to help them with their project. 

It was a kind of test for me.  How I adapt myself in a new environment and situation,  how ... if I can get along with “new” people.  I’m... er... shy, I have these walls around me.  I was very anxious, I found it even scary to go there.   I kept asking myself: Am I capable to meet up their expectations?  Who am I going to meet?  Will they like me?

....Uhm.. well, yes, I think I did a good job.  I think they liked me, well, yes, I do think so.  :)

But most of all, it was such a great experience.  To find a new (or true?) me.  I really enjoyed being with people.  Something I don’t have in my small office room: a direct/real contact with people - that’s what I miss the most.  

OK.. but then.. why do I not see or talk to friends here?  Dunno.  Er.. well, they.. we are so busy.  And.. I don’t know how or why but.. I seem to live in a different world.. well, alright, I should say, different time zone, then :P

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I’m trying to make notes when something comes to my mind... and forgetting to do that. :(  

But here’s a few.

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Berlin: For the first time I was “me”.  All I had was my suitcase (and my cam and my Mac).  Nobody knew me (as... well, you know...), nobody had ever seen my “1-a-day” pics,  

It was nice, I really liked that.

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Being sad is a choice.  Do I like being sad, is it nice?  No.  So, I choose being happy.  It requires some effort, though.  Well, let me see...

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Why am I doing this?  Do I really want that?  -----YES.

But WHY?  -----BECAUSE!

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I’m trying.  So I can say “at least I tried. I’ve done my best”.

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EVERYTHING GOES WRONG!!  Yes, just EVERYTHING.

...Well, really?  Sure?  

...Uhm.. well, no.. not everything.

So, I write down what went wrong and what didn’t.

Aaah,... see?  Coffee was good, got a couple of very nice emails, rain stopped for a while and the Sun was warm, loved the cheese toast, ....  

For those problems - ONLY two! - I did what I could.. so now, just wait and see.  

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Where are you?  How are you doing?  
.....miss you.

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What’s wrong with me?

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Music now playing: “To Be With You”/Mr. Big