Expression

Music: Playlist “Post Christmas”
Mood: out to lunch
In my glass: Mr. Beam (after 3 glasses of French red)

Yeah…
I’m now OUT TO LUNCH.

Heehee… I like this expression. …Cuz I am :s
LOL.

Impossible World

Music: Playlist “Post Christmas” (variation on “150707 Christmas Special”) (right now “Ball and Chain”/Thunder)
Mood: Impossible
In my glass: thinking – French red or Mr. Beam??

This year has got only 2 days left now. Gee, where did all the time go? Minutes, hours and days have just flown in an instant. And I’m still here – not a step forward!

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Found a Farrenheit CD in the basement while looking for something else. Oh, it’s been such a long time since I played it the last time…I didn’t even remember the songs… Now I’m listening to this one particular song again and again. Ooph, it really makes me cry.
It’s an “Impossible World” to me, yes.

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Ha, ok.. then I need a song that makes me laugh…. And that’s “Hirsute Boogie” by Thunder. So funny!

Beam me up, … er… Jim!

Music: Playlist “150707 Christmas Special” (it’s actually the same as yesterday)
Mood: “Beam me up, Scotty! (… er.. sorry… Jim!)
In my glass: Jim Beam black label

Ha! …I was in the state of shock for a while… thought suddenly about the film I watched Saturday night (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”) Hm… I was then too tired and sleepy, I couldn’t follow the story very well…
But anyway, ya, thanks, Sim, for the tip… it pulled me back a bit…

Later, when I was walking Fox, I thought: “well,.. actually.. it’s still the same, just as it was before, nothing has changed.”
So,…. Please just let me keep dreaming and.. ach ja.. !! What’s the point???

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This Jim Beam… hm.. later. I’d better go to sleep now. I’ve got to get up “early” tomorrow. Very early to me.

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...Um... oh, ... right..
I wasn't really hungry... and didn't feel like cooking. Again... forgot to eat :( I just remembered that now...

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Am sorry if I'm bothering you.. it's not my intention. ... But to get you drunk, it was!

Season’s Greetings to you!

Music: Playlist 150707 + “Going Dutch” + “Winter Rose”/OL + “Christmas”/Bruce Cockburn
Mood: …a bit of frustration…., trying to feel Christmassy, though….
In my glass: French red

Sorry, my friends, I’m very late for Season’s greetings this year (even later than ever!!). But it doesn’t mean that I’m not thinking of you. You are always on my mind.
Here is my very short message to wish you all a warm and happy Holiday season. May it be filled with love and smiles.

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I never celebrate Christmas… To me it’s something typical “family-thing” – and I don’t have that here really. Besides, I find it becoming too commercial and too exclusive. Not to mention all that cannibalism.
BUT – this year.. I kinda “miss” Christmas. …Well, ok, what I miss is that “Christmassy intimacy”, I think, and it’s for the first time that I miss it. It’s perhaps because of those stars above – I see them there glittering but not the other way round.
When S. asked if I wanted to have a Christmas dinner together, I said “yes”.

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The biggest blunder of this year… I wrote a letter (…hm, ok, it’s more like a very short note than a letter) but it’s still here.. has never been posted.. or whatever. I just didn’t dare to…er to get it read. I know… it’s the matter of either “Aaaggghh… why didn’t I do it??” or “Aaaggghh… why did I do it?”. In either case, I’d hate myself for (not) having done it. Yes, now I hate myself for not having done it. AARRRGGHHHHRRR.

... :( ...



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All Because of You
(Diesel)

I’m scared to be alone at night
With darkness all around
My hair is standin’ up in fright
If I don’t hear a sound
My fear of heights, my fear of crowds
Of open spaces too
Don’t match my fear to say aloud
That I’m in love with you

I’m a little bit dizzy
Not a little bit scared
Yes I’m a little bit dizzy
Girl it’s all because of you

My life is full of emptiness
My ears are filled with tears
My house became a filthy mess
I haven’t slept for years
The letter written overnight
I’m burnin’ in the morn
Her perfect hat is now in sight
I’m drawin’ in my horns

I’m a little bit dizzy
Not a little bit scared
Yes I’m a little bit dizzy
Because of you, because of you

Fear is growin’ bigger
Room is gettin’ small
Got my thumbs on the trigger
Because of you, because of you

I’m a little bit dizzy
Not a little bit scared
Yes I’m a little bit dizzy
Girl it’s all because of you

The letter written overnight
I haven’t slept for years
I’m scared to be alone at night
My eyes are filled with tears
My life is full of emptiness
Of open spaces too
The letter written in a mess
It’s all because of you

I’m a little bit dizzy
Not a little bit scared
Yes I’m a little bit dizzy
Girl it’s all because of you

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written by Boon/Vunderink

Let’s see…

Music: Playlist “Going Dutch” (right now: “Hot-Blooded Lady”/The President)
Mood: ….. want to SCREAM
In my glass: had half a bottle of French red… am thinking now if I’d make hot choco with rum.

AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
When Mr. Bowes said “Now you have a chance to scream!!”, I didn’t. But now I really NEED to scream!

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Let’s see if I can survive a day with “less” Thunder songs…
Hhhmmmm… not really promising.
I made a playlist with all the Dutch artists I have on my PC (yeah, so naturally those songs of my ex’s, too :s)
I do like the music… but-er… OK., let me say this way: “I need Thunder AS WELL.”

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I tried out the tripod K. …er no, Sinterklaas (St. Nicolas) gave me… Oh, wow.. it’s super!
Robust and stable… me likey!

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I called E. today. The last time I did was shortly after her surgery and her boyfriend sounded quite upset that there had been “things” unexpected. Today she picked up the phone and told me how everything was going. I don’t call on the phone very often (due to my telephone-phobia) but I’m glad this time I did call her. It was so nice, despite that “unexpected” fact, to hear her cheerful voice. Yeah, I’m sure everything’s going to be fine again.

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(… am off to the kitchen to make hot choc.)

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um… and I now forgot what I actually wanted to write about tonight.. I really don’t remember… :s

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I put an extra portion of rum and honey in my hot choco… I’ll be gone for a long time, I think…

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The tune now playing: “Goin’ Back to China”/Diesel

…Darn, again so late!

Music: Playlist 150707 (right now: “Found Someone New” by Susan Tedeschi)
Mood: …like a bunny on Pete Townshend’s guitar
In my mug: hot chocolate with rum (had French red earlier tonight)

It’s now 5 in the morning… :( Again, I failed to go to bed “early”.

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I did want to go to the concert… the band has got a slight link to him – in a way - but-er… hhmmm…. It’s a kind of “Christmas show” and I wasn’t feeling very Christmassy (well, ok, I never am!). I called a couple of friends to ask if we could go out tonight – I needed an excuse NOT to go to the concert. But nobody could. Ha, ok.. I decided to stay home anyway.

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It’s, I know, my own choice… but I must admit I wonder sometimes: “Where would my heart go?”

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Had a long walk again with Fox. It was another cold but very beautiful day.

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The song playing right now: "I Love You More Than Rock'n'Roll"/Thunder

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from Bunny Suicides by Andy Riley.

…can’t get going….

Music: Playlist 150707
Mood: Restless
In my glass: lol! It’s now 16:30… too early for wine :(


It’s very cold but nice and crisp outside.
My daily double cappuccino tasted SO good today, after a long walk with Fox. He’s tired now and snoring in his basket again.

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Haven’t tried a new recipe for some time. I’m not spending much time in the kitchen these days, especially since got back from London, I often even “forget” to eat. I do feel like cooking, though. It’s just… hm… don’t know. I bought a couple of cookery magazines last week – want to try some of the recipes.

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It will get very, very cold this weekend, they say, colder than today.
I don’t have a good winter coat. My short leather jacket is not very appropriate for a real cold winter. I do have a fake fur fabric, which I bought years and years ago to sew a thick overcoat. The fabric is still in the chest together with many other “gonna-be” fabrics.
Hm… but I guess I’m a bit too late with the coat project for this winter.

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There’s a concert tomorrow night that I’d like to go to…. Hhmm but don’t know if I will..

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*sigh*
I can’t cope with this PThE (hahaha… yes, again… Post Thunder Emptiness) syndrome…

Bunny Suicides

Music: Playlist 150707 (right now “Gimme Some Lovin’ “/Thunder)
Mood: desperate
In my glass: French red

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It’s been a week already since my very short London trip.

He was…
Very nice and kind… and funny, too.
He even said a few sentences in Japanese to me.

I couldn’t say what I really wanted to say… I said something instead, what I shouldn’t have.
Dumb, dumb, dumb!!

The next day I was still down and blue, wishing I’d been dead. Well, I mean… I have had my happiest times already, haven’t I?
I dropped in at a bookstore at the airport and found a book: “The Bumper Book of Bunny Suicides” – it’s precisely what I needed! A cartoon book on the bunnies who desperately want to die. So hilarious!


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If I Can’t Have You
(Yvonne Elliman)

Don't know why I'm surviving every lonely day
When there's got to be no chance for me
My life would end and it doesn't matter how I cry
My tears of love are a waste of time
If I turn away am I strong enough to see it through
Go crazy is what I will do

If I can't have you, I don't want nobody baby
If I can't have you ah ah, if I can't have you
I don't want nobody baby, if I can't have you ah ah

Can't let go and it doesn't matter how I try
I gave it all so easily to you my love
To dreams that never will come true
Am I strong enough to see it through
Go crazy is what I will do

If I can't have you, I don't want nobody baby
If I can't have you ah ah, if I can't have you
I don't want nobody baby, if I can't have you ah ah
……

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written by B., M. & R. Gibb