Why....

...Why now and why me????? WHY?!
:'(

Home...

.....Where's my "home"?

Grey

Music: “Fooled Again”/Richie Kotzen
Mood: grey
In my glass: Tempranillo

Yew... Been dizzy for 2 days and only now I’m finally feeling better a bit.
Guess it’s that dysautonomia striking again :s
Yep... I’m soooooooo tired.

Tomorrow I’ll have some GOOD massage! YAY, I can’t wait!!

Song now playing: “Fade Into the Sun”/Thunder

Just Another Suicide...

Music: “Just Another Suicide (You Wanna Know)”/Thunder
Mood: er... sleepy but can’t sleep...
In my glass: Tempranillo

Er... there are at least two obstacles:
1) I would not want to leave this and that and everything behind like they are... in this mess!! I should, when I go, leave things “neat and tidy” behind.
2) I would not stand the pain. Ooh, - any pain at all!

So, don’t worry, K., it’s not an option. Well, I’d rather sleep in a few hours.. or... a day (or two) if my sweet beloved Fox would allow me to.. ;)

Song now playing: “Just Another Suicide (You Wanna Know)”/Thunder
(on continuous repeat mode)

The Last Waltz

Music: “Amy’s on the Run”/Thunder
Mood: ...er... what should I call it... “self-destructive”, perhaps?
In my glass: beer (about to finish it)

....
rrrrright.... “on the run”... “Kym.’s on the Run”.
Ach.. only a bit sentimental. Need some good sleep, that’s all.

Thunder don’t exist after this weekend. Alright... I’m “old” enough to cope with that.... Except that I... I.. pffffff....

There are so many “chapters” and “books” that I *must* finish and close. Got to hurry....

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Song now playing: “A Million Faces”/Thunder

Sleepy

Music: “The Way You Treated Me (You’re Gonna Be Sorry)”/Robben Ford
Mood: Beh!
In my glass: beer

I’m very, very sleepy - too sleepy to go to bed. Too sleepy to do all my night rituals.

Been a long and tough day (but also comforting) with lots of thinking.


Music now playing: “Change”/Richie Kotzen
(..yes, yes... I know... got to change...)

Just wondered..

Music: “An Old Fashioned Love Song”/Three Dog NIght
Mood: nostalgic
In my glass: French red

...Just wondered... if FEN still exists. That’s the radio station (“Far East Network”) on which I used to listen to “AT40”.
(...ah, and to "The Wolfman Jack Show"!)

-------
Ha! ...Ok, I have just done some research... ;)
It's called "AFN" (American Forces Network) nowadays.

-----------------

Wolfman Jack
(Todd Rundgren)

Hey baby, you're on a subliminal trip to nowhere
You better get your trip
Together before you step
In here with us!

Full moon tonight, everything's all right
Baby come on back to wolfman jack
If you want yourself a day man, well I don`t mind
You just ditch him when the sun goes down
Cause the moon shines bright
And everything's all right
When the wolfman, he creeps into town

Now you maybe want a man who throws round his money
But he ain't as cools a wolfman jack
And you might want yourself a man
Who don't act so funny
But he ain't your fool like wolfman jack

I don't mean to treat you evil
I'm just a good boy gone bad
But if I catch you after dark walking through the park
I'm just liable to do something mad

You maybe think you know what love is about girl
But it's nothing til it's wolfman jack
And everybody knows, you go round and shout it
That your only thrill is wolfman jack

Full moon tonight, everything's all right
Baby come on back to wolfman jack
I may miss your loving while I'm on my back
But you can't escape from wolfman jack
You can't do this to me

Look me in the eyes baby, now you cut that jive
You know the wolfmans just about
The number one cat alive
You got my great big eyes spinning round in my head
How could you love another man instead?

----------------
written by Todd Rundgren

Deep Down

Music: “Deep Down”/Joan Armatrading
Mood: deep down
In my glass: Italian white

...I feel a big wave of depression coming up...
Oooph...
Well, I must confess that it’s kinda “comfortable” .... in a way. Don’t know how to explain.

Silence

Music: Playlist “My top rated”, right now “Bad Things”/Richie Kotzen
Mood: melancholic
In my glass: French red (it's a cheap bottle but tastes good tonight!)

Sometimes I really wish I had someone to talk to. Talking to myself doesn’t help much.
Or, I need, actually, someone who is patient enough to wait till I start to talk about what I want to say. Someone who could listen to my silence, to what I can’t put in words.
I don’t remember if... er, I don’t think I ever had one. Well, alright, it’s me perhaps - because I often don’t know what to say and how to say it and I just keep silence. And it takes just so long that nobody will want to wait.
So... I guess I should learn to “talk” first.

--------------

Ha, but.. sometimes for a certain subject I dare... I mean, I really DARE!
I haven’t written about it here yet:
It was my last chance to see him so I finally told him what I always had wanted to say. My mission accomplished, that’s a good thing. But since then, I feel so empty, that’s a bad thing :(

---------------

And my study:
I’m not doing well. Technique - that’s my weakest point. It was, too, a year ago. Means, I’m not improving very much. I wonder if I ever will. I’m so hard to learn.

---------------

Song now playing: “High”/Richie Kotzen
(There are so many RK’s songs in the playlist... but yes, yes... so are Thunder’s!!)
Ah, see? It’s now “River of Pain”/Thunder.

Light

Music: "A Woman in Love"/Joan Armatrading
Mood: Pffffffff....
In my glass: French red

I have decided to give up on this year so I have at least one worry less (for now). Well, the big Q now is if I may repeat the second year. And, if I may, the even bigger Q is... if it's not a waste of time.

But anyway, it’s nice to be able to breathe - a little bit deeper - again (...for now).

Light



Music now playing: "You Need To Be With Me"/Susan Tedeschi