The Last Waltz

Music: “Amy’s on the Run”/Thunder
Mood: ...er... what should I call it... “self-destructive”, perhaps?
In my glass: beer (about to finish it)

....
rrrrright.... “on the run”... “Kym.’s on the Run”.
Ach.. only a bit sentimental. Need some good sleep, that’s all.

Thunder don’t exist after this weekend. Alright... I’m “old” enough to cope with that.... Except that I... I.. pffffff....

There are so many “chapters” and “books” that I *must* finish and close. Got to hurry....

------

Song now playing: “A Million Faces”/Thunder

Sleepy

Music: “The Way You Treated Me (You’re Gonna Be Sorry)”/Robben Ford
Mood: Beh!
In my glass: beer

I’m very, very sleepy - too sleepy to go to bed. Too sleepy to do all my night rituals.

Been a long and tough day (but also comforting) with lots of thinking.


Music now playing: “Change”/Richie Kotzen
(..yes, yes... I know... got to change...)

Just wondered..

Music: “An Old Fashioned Love Song”/Three Dog NIght
Mood: nostalgic
In my glass: French red

...Just wondered... if FEN still exists. That’s the radio station (“Far East Network”) on which I used to listen to “AT40”.
(...ah, and to "The Wolfman Jack Show"!)

-------
Ha! ...Ok, I have just done some research... ;)
It's called "AFN" (American Forces Network) nowadays.

-----------------

Wolfman Jack
(Todd Rundgren)

Hey baby, you're on a subliminal trip to nowhere
You better get your trip
Together before you step
In here with us!

Full moon tonight, everything's all right
Baby come on back to wolfman jack
If you want yourself a day man, well I don`t mind
You just ditch him when the sun goes down
Cause the moon shines bright
And everything's all right
When the wolfman, he creeps into town

Now you maybe want a man who throws round his money
But he ain't as cools a wolfman jack
And you might want yourself a man
Who don't act so funny
But he ain't your fool like wolfman jack

I don't mean to treat you evil
I'm just a good boy gone bad
But if I catch you after dark walking through the park
I'm just liable to do something mad

You maybe think you know what love is about girl
But it's nothing til it's wolfman jack
And everybody knows, you go round and shout it
That your only thrill is wolfman jack

Full moon tonight, everything's all right
Baby come on back to wolfman jack
I may miss your loving while I'm on my back
But you can't escape from wolfman jack
You can't do this to me

Look me in the eyes baby, now you cut that jive
You know the wolfmans just about
The number one cat alive
You got my great big eyes spinning round in my head
How could you love another man instead?

----------------
written by Todd Rundgren

Deep Down

Music: “Deep Down”/Joan Armatrading
Mood: deep down
In my glass: Italian white

...I feel a big wave of depression coming up...
Oooph...
Well, I must confess that it’s kinda “comfortable” .... in a way. Don’t know how to explain.

Silence

Music: Playlist “My top rated”, right now “Bad Things”/Richie Kotzen
Mood: melancholic
In my glass: French red (it's a cheap bottle but tastes good tonight!)

Sometimes I really wish I had someone to talk to. Talking to myself doesn’t help much.
Or, I need, actually, someone who is patient enough to wait till I start to talk about what I want to say. Someone who could listen to my silence, to what I can’t put in words.
I don’t remember if... er, I don’t think I ever had one. Well, alright, it’s me perhaps - because I often don’t know what to say and how to say it and I just keep silence. And it takes just so long that nobody will want to wait.
So... I guess I should learn to “talk” first.

--------------

Ha, but.. sometimes for a certain subject I dare... I mean, I really DARE!
I haven’t written about it here yet:
It was my last chance to see him so I finally told him what I always had wanted to say. My mission accomplished, that’s a good thing. But since then, I feel so empty, that’s a bad thing :(

---------------

And my study:
I’m not doing well. Technique - that’s my weakest point. It was, too, a year ago. Means, I’m not improving very much. I wonder if I ever will. I’m so hard to learn.

---------------

Song now playing: “High”/Richie Kotzen
(There are so many RK’s songs in the playlist... but yes, yes... so are Thunder’s!!)
Ah, see? It’s now “River of Pain”/Thunder.

Light

Music: "A Woman in Love"/Joan Armatrading
Mood: Pffffffff....
In my glass: French red

I have decided to give up on this year so I have at least one worry less (for now). Well, the big Q now is if I may repeat the second year. And, if I may, the even bigger Q is... if it's not a waste of time.

But anyway, it’s nice to be able to breathe - a little bit deeper - again (...for now).

Light



Music now playing: "You Need To Be With Me"/Susan Tedeschi

…but I do…

Music: “Change”/Richie Kotzen
Mood: :(
In my glass: just finished beer

…You wouldn’t see me cry… but I do. I do cry.

Where Are You?

-----

...Where are you?

Change

Music: “Change”/Richie Kotzen
Mood: …gotta change…
In my glass: Malbec


“…Nothing's gonna change ‘til you change…”

Another phrase that suddenly caught my attention.
It has happened twice before: the first time it was “…home is where the heart is…” and the second time was “…I can’t stand another day, I can’t stand another day…”

This “Change” is such a beautiful song… but so, so, so sad. It even kinda hurts.

------------------------

Change
(Richie Kotzen)

You keep runnin’ but there’s no escape
You try to move but you’re lying in the way
You look around and all your friends
Have been through what you’re doin’
And you’re doin’ it all thinkin’

Everything is gonna change
But life ain’t gonna wait
You can fight it but you know it
Never will change
Ain’t nothin’ gonna change ’til you change

You’re goin’ out tonight, been up two days
You’re dead inside but you’re still awake
You walk around and everyone is tellin’ you you’re beautiful
And you’re doin’ it all thinkin’

Everything is gonna change
But life ain’t gonna wait
You can fight it
But you know it
Never will change
Ain’t nothin’ gonna change ’til you change
’Til you change

So far away from your home
No voice of reason, completely alone
You know your shadow won’t keep you warm
…..

You just keep on wishin’
Everything is gonna change
But life ain’t gonna wait
You can fight it
But you know it
Never will change
Ain’t nothin’ gonna change ’til you change
’Til you change

Change
Change….

-----------------
written by Richie Kotzen

Isolation

Music: Playlist 060309, right now playing “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” by Popa Chubby
Mood: Down and isolated.
In my glass: mint tea

…have no proper internet connection at the moment. Well, I CAN be online in some way… ah, but it’s a long story. To make it short, I have a new computer, which requires a different type of connection. I still have my old pc and old modem.. but you know, the reason why I bought a new computer is that the old one was acting very weird.
..Ach, anyway, .....
I just hope there will be a new connection very, very soon…

Many things have happened (and have not happened) since my last entry, I have some bad news… and also good news to tell.
Still, not being able to be online as I want, I feel so isolated :(

Music now playing: “Don’t Wanna Talk About Love” by Thunder