DAWN

Music: Thunder and more
Mood: *sigh*
In my glass: Zin

A friend of mine, a working mom, has started to work again after half a year sabbatical. I’m now keeping her son company twice a week till she comes home. He is… hm, about ten years old, I think – I don’t know exactly. Anyway, he’s a real smart kid. Thursday this week he came downstairs, asked me if I knew what “dawn” means. I said: “it’s something like ‘daybreak’”. He said: “it’s spelled D-A-W-N”. And me again: “well, it’s the time when morning comes, a day begins.. but I don’t know the Dutch word for it”. (Hm… I should know it, yes, I should..) He didn’t seem to be very convinced, just said “hm, I only wanted to know if you knew…”
Today I saw in the papers something called “DAWN” – some kind of space project. Ah, that must be what he was talking about!

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I have never read the Harlequin romance.. I do remember the series was very popular in Japan. Does it still exist??? Well, ok, I don’t read those stories, I still think I could write a few right now. *Sigh* But even in my imagination, there’s no such thing as the perfect love.

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No Such Thing
(Tommy Shaw)

No such thing… No such thing…
You’re waiting for the lightning to strike you from the sky
You’re waiting for the fireworks on the fourth of July
But sure as there’s a moon in the heavens up above
There’s no such thing as the perfect love

You read Harlequin romances and true life magazines
You’re the young and you’re the restless
You relate to every scene
I tried to tell you once but I guess it’s not enough
There’s not such thing as the perfect love

Baby what you want from me come and take it
But never give your heart for free ’cause I’ll break it
Yeah I’ll break it

You’re still listening for the footsteps
You sit there by the phone
Staring at your posters aren’t you tired of being alone
You may think you’re trying but it isn’t hard enough
There’s no such thing as the perfect love
There’s a time and a place for this
You gotta be there
If you sit around and wait for love it’ll get you nowhere
Nowhere!

Love can really break your heart if you let it
If you’re looking for the perfect love just forget it
Forget it!

Baby you’re so precious you’re living out a dream
I’m scared that when you wake up you’ look around and scream
’Cause life is no illusion, it really is so tough
There’s no such thing as the perfect love

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written by Terry Thomas/Tommy Shaw

Happiness is…

Music: Playlist 150707 (Thunder, of course,… and more. Right now repeating “Rock Me Right”/Susan Tedeschi)
Mood: …OK
In my glass: Italian red (Barbera)

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“Happiness is cooking for you every day.” - That’s the phrase which was on the letter papers I used to use when I was at junior high.
Hahaha… oh yes, it’s true. That’s exactly how I feel now.. “Happiness is cooking for YOU every day”… but then, if YOU do the rest and, most of all, if YOU bring me all the money I need!

Hihihi.. no, no, no, not true.…. Even if not, I’d be so happy to cook for YOU every day. I hope YOU like my cooking. I’m a veggie but I’d cook even roast beef for a Sunday lunch if YOU’d like (for me then something with mushrooms or so then).

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*Sigh* *Sigh* *Sigh*

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Seriously,…
You find me in my kitchen again more often… which means I’m feeling good. The kitchen is my place.. and maybe the dark room as well.. later.

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Rock Me Right
(Susan Tedeschi)

You say you haven’t been rocked in a long long time
Oh good hard rockin’ is so hard to find baby
Gonna make-a you sweat, gonna make-a your shout
Oh your homemade lovin’ done knocked me out baby

Now my heart looked long enough for you
And let’s see if you know what I’m fixin’ to do baby
Now you wanna little love and that’s alright
Oh your fruit ain’t rotten it’s oh so right

Oh now your mama sure done raised you right
When it comes to home cookin’ you eat every bite
Take your sweet time, got all night
I’m gonna show you how to rock me right

Come on and rock me right
Rock me right
Rock me right
I’m gonna show you how to rock me right

Rock me right oh, oh lord

Well your stomach starts growling, I know what you need baby
Oh fix me up something salty and sweet
Oh now homemade cookin’ always does the trick
Oh your cotton ain’t rotten just needs to be picked

Oh now your mama sure done raised you right
When it comes to home cookin’ you eat every bite
Take your sweet time, got all night
I’m gonna show you how to rock me right

Come on and rock me right
Oh rock me right
Rock me right
I’m gonna show you how to rock me right

Oh come on and rock me right lord
Oh rock me right now
Yeah rock me right
I’m gonna show your how to rock me right

Show me how you do it darlin’
Show me how you do it baby rock me all night

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written by Tom Hambridge

…Just not right.

Music: “A Million Faces”/ Thunder
Mood: :(
In my glass: Coteaux du Languedoc

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“......
And though I know you don’t believe it right now
You gonna get through this somehow
As time dulls the edge of the pain that you feel
You feel……. “

…No, I don’t believe so.

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I’m still working on my homework and can’t get it right!

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…and he’s beyond my reach.

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Life is tough and I’m bumb (edit: see comments).

Because it’s me

Music: … various.. mostly Blues and, naturally, Thunder (right now “Love the One You’re With”/Cosa Nostra)
Mood: confused, blue, melancholic, sentimental, lonely, vain, longing, yearning, hopeless, helpless… even destructive
In my glass: Coteaux du Languedoc

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…I’m so incoherent tonight – confused a bit.
It’s one of those nights that I wish I could drink the whole bottle (or even 3 bottles) to get REALLY drunk and “gone”.
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For the first time in my life, I’m feeling so lonely because my “imaginary boyfriend” is not here with me. Hahahaah! An imaginary boyfriend is supposed to be very sweet and kind to me and we – he and me – are supposed to be having only fun and lovely moments together. He would always be there for me, wouldn’t lie, wouldn’t hurt me.

But this time.. ooh, it’s wrong, so, so, so very wrong. It’s becoming so serious that I can’t deal with it. It’s too much to handle.

The problem is… I really want him. Rrrrrraahhggg… sob-sob-sob.

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I know somebody who truly believed Zappa was his father. Hm… I’m now not too far from his state of mind. Arrrrgh.

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I wish he… “he”, this imaginary Prince of mine, loved me because it was me. Me just as who I am. Not because I can do this and that and all or how I am. Just because it’s me – no matter what I can or can’t, no matter how I am or am not.

…and above all, I wish it was all in reality. But I know too well that it would not be happening.

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I read the book “White Oleander” a few years ago. It was quite fascinating to see/follow how this little girl (don’t remember her name… Astrid?) was changing as she grew up. I do remember how loudly I yelled “YES!!” about this CSN&Y song – yes, I too find it one of the most stupid songs!

If I love somebody it’s because it’s him/her and not because (s)he’s there. “Love the one you love”, I’d say. To me, it doesn’t matter how far and unreachable he is.

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(Well, the song is alright, especially the Cosa Nostra version is nice and rocking! What I don’t like is the idea).

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Love the One You’re With
(Cosa Nostra)

If you’re down and confused
And you can’t remember who you’re talking to
Concentration slips away
Because your baby is so far away

Well there’s a rose in the fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can’t be with the one you love
Honey, love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with

Don’t be angry, don’t be sad
Don’t sit there crying over good times you had
Cause there’s a girl sittin’ next to you
And she’s just waiting for something to do

Well there’s a rose in the fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can’t be with the one you love
Honey, love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with

Turn your heartache right into joy
She’s a girl, and you’re a boy
Get it together, make it nice
You won’t be needing anymore than that

Well there’s a rose in the fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can’t be with the one you love
Honey, love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with

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written by Stephen Stills

Having a nap...

Music: “Love Worth Dying For”/Thunder
Mood: hhmmmmmm…. Hard to describe - … fine, I think
In my glass: French red (Coteaux du Languedoc)

I was just going to close down the pc when this song (“Love Worth Dying For”) started to play.

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I was having a nap on the sofa today, was just about to fall asleep thinking: what would I take with me if I had to leave here tomorrow, move to somewhere else ?

My cameras (OMG, I have now 5 cameras including a very old p&s and my new Nikon and even 6 when the Minolta included!), some CDs if possible (Thunder and OL’s “Opium”, I think) and some books, the espresso pot (mokka), the sewing machine and some clothes enough for a week. Oh, and maybe a notebook pc (I’d have to buy one then).

Well, ok, it all depends on “why”, “how” and “where to” of course.
In the worst case, I’d take the new Nikon, the CDs, 2 books and clothes.
And-eh,… I’ve got a love worth “living” for in my heart now. For sure, I’d take that with me.

...Oh, and my gang, of course.....

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I had actually some other stories for this song… well, maybe later.

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Love Worth Dying For
(Thunder)

Tired and weary, fraying at the seams
So disillusioned, I’d forgotten how to dream for just a while
I knew a change would have to come

So wrapped up in myself that I couldn’t see the truth
But the moment I looked up, I knew I’d seen the future in your eyes
And my life had just begun

Cos they can take away the sun and rain
And everything I’ve ever owned
Let them have it all, cos you give me something more
A love worth dying for

It’s been such a long time, since I felt so strong inside
I know you’re the reason
And the words can’t quite express the way I feel
But they’re all I have to use

Cos there ain’t nothing in this universe
Can hold a candle next to you
And now my life’s complete,
Since you opened up the door
With a love worth dying for

In the morning when the sunlight hits your face
It’s such a beautiful collision, that nothing could replace

Cos they can take away the sun and rain
And everything I’ve ever owned
Let them have it all,
Cos you give me something more

Cos there ain’t nothing in this universe
Can hold a candle next to you
And now my life’s complete, since you opened up the door
With a love worth dying for

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written by Morley

Eventually…

Music: Playlist “Thunder & Co.” (right now “Feel Your Love Tonight”/Van Halen)
Mood: … *Sigh*
In my glass: Italian red (Barbera)

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Correction.

He will know.. eventually. I just have to find out how. Yes, it will take some time.. a long time. But he WILL… ‘cos I will let him know – someday, somehow.

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Been working on my homework. Yeek.. there’s so much to read!!
I took a few photos inside the house. Now I need some outdoor pix.

Evening Star

Music: Playlist “150707” (right now “Living For Today”/Thunder)
Mood: mixed, generally fine
In my glass: Italian red – Albaruta Zitto Zitto

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What does it feels like? It feels like…

18) crying for a star – I can see it shining but I can never reach it

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It was around 20:30, I think, I went for a walk with Fox. It was getting dark – a bit too dark already so I didn’t take my cam with me. There was one bright shining star in the dark orange sky; must be the Evening Star. It was so beautiful! Walking back home was like walking towards the Star. But of course, I couldn’t get any closer to it.

Oh, well, it’s so good to have that little light in your heart.

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Star
(Earth Wind And Fire)

In the sky, shines a star, spaces,
Near and far, calling out, who you are
And smiling in the night.

Star light, star bright beam across the
Sky – falling, calling can you tell me why –
Star light, star bright mighty light to see.
Shining, smiling down on you and me –

Star hide from the rain, it turns
Against the pain, fooling many in the game
While smiling in the night –

I can feel the dark, take the night,
Apart, but then, the stars come out
And lift my heart –

Believing, there’s a star, for everyone
Makes it easier, to recall, that together
For the children of the world – there’s
A star smiling for us all

Star, shining high, cultivating my desire
Graceful in the sky
And smiling in the night

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written by Maurice White, Eddie del Barrio & Allee Willis

I walked to the mirror…

Music: Playlist “Thunder & Co.” (right now “Baby I’ll Be Gone”/Thunder)
Mood: tired but fine
In my glass: Montepulciano d’Abruzzo

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What does it feel like? It feels like…
17) my heart is being squeezed and I can’t breathe for a second

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I must take some pics before weekend. The first assignment of the photography class is “Here I feel at home”. Yeeeek! I mean, it’s one of my all-time problems that I don’t feel at home anywhere. Is it a school of photography or some kind of therapy session??? Hm… ok, I’ll try, though. Still, I should hurry a bit because I need time to get the film developed and printed.

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I walked to the mirror and said to myself: Girl, you’re looking d*** good today!
…*sigh*

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I can stare at his smile for hours… Well, in fact, that’s all I can do. *sigh* And he’ll never know.
…*sigh again*

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*sigh*

Kym. goes to school!

Music: Playlist 150707 (Right now “Going to Mexico”/Sy Klopps Blues Band)
Mood: Excited
In my glass: herbal (Echinacea etc.) tea. Should I open a red or not…?

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What does it feel like? It feels like…

16) soft crackling sound of the fine foam of bubble bath

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School of photography has started. So much to learn and a lot of homework (MJ calls it “FUNwork” - sounds better!) It’s a disadvantage that I don’t have a DSLR but, ok, this Dynax I have borrowed from a friend is all I’ve got so I should learn how to work with it. Well, I must say, it gives me a feeling that I’m unique ;) Hihihi, I asked if I could get a special treatment because of the disadvantage…. Ha! Hm… the answer was “no”.
Although I’m going to hurry to get me a DSLR, I still like the idea of working with an analogue cam.
The other students have all DSLR and also a lot more knowledge and experience in photography than I. I’m such a beginner that I even don’t know what all those terms (like “mm”s and f-numbers) mean. I keep asking very basic questions. Well, but that’s why I’m taking classes, isn't it?
Anyways, I’m so excited!

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Oh-oh, all those butterflies….

:(

Having been hesitating for hours, I finally decided to upload a photo to a site. With my heart bumping, I click “submit”… and then… I got a message that it couldn’t be submitted and that I must click “here”. So I did.. then I got “error, the site not found”. ….

…I’d better go to bed now, I think.

Slowly…

Music: Playlist “Thunder & Co.” (right now “Out of My Head”/Thunder)
Mood: Very fine. Smiling, smiling, smiling and sighing.
In my glass: about to pour in Primitivo

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What does it feel like? It feels like..

15) Being in an elevator going down fast.

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Things are changing in and around me - slowly but steadily – and it feels so good. I can’t remember when I felt this good last - 10, 15 years ago perhaps?? Hm.. but strangely, when I try to name what are changing, I can’t. I only see what’s not changing. Well-er…. Except one.
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Cleaned the bathroom. Gees, I never realized that I had so many perfumes. Only a few of them are my faves and I never use the others. Although I don’t want/use them, I can’t throw them away. So, I gave them to a friend.

I want to paint the bathroom but I don’t know which colour. Now it’s light (sea) green.
I’d love to change so many things in this house!! Yeah.. but ok, I need to save some money first.

Deep Purple’s “Highway Star” is a good tune to play when cleaning the bathroom.