One thing...

Music: Ani Difranco (“What If No One’s Watching”), Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (“Ain’t No Easy Way”) - both from Rascal/AngelM - , Lynyrd Skynyrd (“One Thing”), Red Devils (“Goin’ To The Church”)
Mood: um… let me think…
In my glass: Oh, no!... it’s empty!!!!

Hm… there’s one thing… I am happy with this new PC monitor, yes, I am! But Pippie, my black cat, doesn’t seem to be. She used to sleep on the monitor but now there’s no space on it for her – it’s flat.

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One Thing
(Lynyrd Skynyrd)

I met the man, when I was fifteen
Seen him in all the papers, on T.V. and magazines
So I had to ask him, what’s the difference between
Those who make a wish, those who spin wheels
And those who ride in white limousines like you, mister
Won’t you tell me one thing

Some have the passion and they control the ride
Some settle for whatever happens
As years pass they see their lives just slip on by
The world keeps a’ turnin’
It’ll leave you behind
Nothin’ else matters, nothin’s worth learnin’
Until the dream you have inside

It’s the one thing, the one thing there’s no denyin’
So find yourself a dream and some piece of mind
’Cause money and power won’t buy it
It’s the one thing, nothin’ else matters

And somewhere you might have heard the good times are through
And good luck is somethin’ you’re born with
I know it just ain’t true
The world keeps a’ turnin’
I wouldn’t tell you no lie
Nothin’ else matters, nothin’s worth learnin’
Until the dream that you have inside

Nothin’ else matters

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(Written by Gary Rossington, Johnny Van-Zant, Ed King, Dale Krantz-Rossington, Custer)

"Don't Walk Away"

Music: “Mantra for the American Jungle”/Bright Blue Gorilla
Mood: recovering
In my glass: Italian red (Nero D’Avola Sicilia)

Spent lots of money today; bought all those cupboard stock like pasta, coffee, sun-dried tomatoes, “the Gang” food etc and of course WINE!! at a warehouse (you know, a kind of whole sale super market). I also needed stationary goods like envelopes and such for my “company”. There in the shop for office supply I saw some PC monitors were off-priced. Hm… actually I can’t afford any extra things now – but…my monitor is rather old (I got it from a friend of mine a couple of years ago). Considering how many hours I’m on computer every day – well, it is a luxury thing but not TOO luxury… right? SO, I bought a new monitor and I’m very happy with it.

Besides that purchase (a car full!), I paid all the bills too… and now am broke again. Well, I can survive for a couple of weeks as my cupboard is filled well – I only need some fresh food like vegetables, fruits, milk…

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Went out Saturday night with a friend. We first had dinner in a restaurant and then went to see a film “Dark Horse”. I read a review of this film a while ago and I knew I’d like it. And yes, I enjoyed it very much, had a good laugh as well.

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It’s been cold and rainy for some time… I wonder when or “if” we are going to see the sun again. Well, of course, we will soon… but it feels like we had skipped spring and summer. And me… I miss those butterflies….

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Don’t Walk Away
(Bright Blue Gorilla)

Weak, but she tries
through wet mascara eyes
to call seven angels:
“They’re laughing out loud, the demons that drown me.”

Her smile betrays
the junk and nicotine
and the horror that she’s seen
With one shallow breath
says, “Death is a friend.”

Don’t walk away/Don’t turn away
Wait for the light of day
I see a star/You are a star
You are the light of day

The dress that she wore
of catechism gray,
she nailed it to the door
Red roses beneath
as if it were bleeding

Don’t walk away/Don’t turn away
Wait for the light of day
I see a star/You are a star
You are the light of day

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(written by R. Rosenkrantz and M. Glover)

...

…am now very disappointed – disappointed in him and also in myself. I thought I knew him, but apparently not. Yes, I'm a bit naive... I've always been and still am.
I really don’t like this “money” thing. I hate it. I HATE IT.

*Wish I were...*

Music: Various… thanks, RascalM!
Mood: better than yesterday
In my glass: Still the same Chilean red

Oh, yes, I did sleep in yesterday. Well, basically, I just slept the whole day!! I got up at around 12 to let Fox out (in the back yard!) and went back to bed. Then I woke up at about 3… but I thought: “who cares?” and went back to sleep again. Finally, it was a little after 7 when I opened my eyes and thought: “oh my….” I made my daily orange & grapefruit juice, then went for a short walk with Fox. Then I had to think: should I have a breakfast (!) or just skip everything and cook pasta right away? As I haven’t had a decent dinner for 2 days, I thought I should eat well this time. Hahaha… so, no sandwich, no frozen pizza… but nice, homemade pasta with fresh tomatoes…mmmmmm.

After dinner, did the dishes, turned on my PC to check e-mails, surf on Flickr… but somehow I kept being disconnected… OK.. it’s not my day.. it’s not my eve either… So, went downstairs and watched TV (!! It’s been such a long, long time!!). “Dogville” was on TV. Hm.. it’s not really a “feel good movie”.. but it sure was a film I always wanted to watch. And of course, Fox joined me on the couch…. And then there came Pippie as well. Oh so cozy!

…At 3:30 I went to bed with Harry Potter 4. I think I fell asleep at around 4:30…


Oh-oh-oh.. what a day, what a night… I admit. I was really down and blue… and so empty, so tired… I never thought it would have such a big impact… Well, it’s not “he” or “breaking up”… no, no, it’s not that… but “moving on” …. Yes, I’m now really “moving on”, aren’t I? Oh… perhaps I’m only tired and I needed to catch up with sleep, yes perhaps. Hhhhhmm…

Anyway, I wish I was… I wish I was.. what? It’s of no use… totally useless to wish that I was something/somebody who I am not. I am what/who I am.
Um… but I do wish I was a…. cat.

"Gonna be there, yes I will!"

Music: HEAVIES like Damn Yankees, Metallica, Deep Purple, AC/DC, Popa Chubby, Thunder, Lynyrd Skynyrd etc.
Mood: a bit hopeless… not much, just a little bit
In my glass: …am now going to pour in Chilean red (cabernet sauvignon/merlot)

…OK, it’s been sent. “Signed, sealed, delivered...,” (well, kind of) about half an hour ago. He will find it tomorrow… or whenever he opens his mailbox.
Grmpf. I’ll have to start getting rid of those junk stuff in the basement/garage soon… maybe this weekend. I’ll need a car… that means I’ll have to ask someone for help.

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…Think I’m going to sleep in a bit tomorrow…

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Where You Goin’ Now
(Damn Yankees)

There’s a face in the mirror
And you close your eyes
Much easier to turn away
Than to take a look inside
So you’re thinking it’s over
Walking away
Let your little world crash and burn
Oh what a price to pay

Didn’t anybody tell you
It’s not who’s right or wrong
Hold the line
Is this what’s going on

Where you goin’ now
When your world’s turned inside out
Isn’t love what it’s all about
Where you goin’ now
When you get to the top of the hill
Gonna be there yes I will

There’s a crack in the mirror
There’s a hole in the sun
Full moon in the midnight sky
And you feel like you want to run
So you blow out the candle
And you turn out the light
Then you stumble into darkness
Do you believe that love is blind

Didn’t anybody tell you
It’s never too late to try
Hold the line
Before you say goodbye

Where you goin’ now
When your world’s turned inside out
Isn’t love that it’s all about
Where you goin’ now
When you get to the top of the hill
Gonna be there yes I will

I’m not talking
About what’s good for me
And I’m not saying how you ought to be
But if there is a message
Shining on through to you
Take a little piece of mind
And let that love light shine

Didn’t anybody tell you
It’s never too late to try
Hold the line
Before you say goodbye

Where you goin’ now
When your world’s turned inside out
Isn’t love what it’s all about
Where you goin’ now
When you get to the top of the hill
Gonna be there yes I will…..

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(written by Tommy/Jack/Ted)

Grrrrr...

Music: Various
Mood: could drink a gallon of vodka
In my glass: no vodka but French red wine (Coteaux du Languedoc)

I received his response on my email yesterday… wow, that’s quick! I was thinking it would take at least another 6 months… haha! Well, OK, he sent me an email but without any proposal; he says he needs some financial data. Grrrrr… I have sent them to him already twice. I think he has lost them. Now I’m getting sick and tired of waiting.. so I decided to give him what he wanted in his last proposal. *SIGH* … Now I have to think how I realize that - where to get all that money from… Arrrrrggggghhh!!

Pfffff, well, ok.. it’s going to be alright.. eventually… hopefully…

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You Only Go Around Once
(Tommy Castro)

In this life
You’ve got choices to make
Some will be right
And some will be mistakes
But time will help to heal
All the bruises and the bumps
You might get a second wind but
You only go around once

You might be pushed
You might be shoved
Sometimes you feel like
You’ve just had enough
But when your back’s against the wall
You got to throw the first punch
You don’t get a second chance honey
You know you only go around once

Don’t let nobody
Tell you how to live
Don’t you say uncle baby
Don’t you give
When the showdown comes
You got to draw both of your guns
Every damn second counts
You only go around once

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(written by ??? Tommy Castro ???)

Another baby step to take

Music: Play list 8 (var. artists), play list “from RascalM”, “The Best of Three Dog Night”, and “Walking on the Blues Side”
Mood: Go, Kym., Go!!
In my glass: (kinda) Margarita (forgot to buy limes so with lemon instead… hm…)

I was going to bed much earlier tonight… and I was indeed kinda ready to turn in at around 3… now about 2 hours ago… Oh-oh… BUT.. you know, there’s something that I “forget” every day. Every night (or, it’s more morning) I think: Darn! I haven’t done that yet!
…Tonight, I didn’t forget that..

It’s – uh.. to write an email to R. ‘Cause I’m still waiting for his reaction to my proposal. It’s been again more than 4 months since our last conversation, in which he promised he would send me his suggestion by the end of January.
OK, it’s not really a subject I would like to talk about for the first thing in the morning… but-uh.. Gees, it’s been 4 long years now!..
So, um.. anyway, I thought I should do that tonight… and I thought I could. But the problem is that I’m still too proud… I don’t want to have any mistakes in my e-mail to him. I just don’t want to be “the weaker one”. *Sigh* SO, I asked a good friend of mine to proofread my e-mail. *Sigh-sigh-sigh* … Besides that it has to wait now another day or two… I feel myself so stupid as well. Oh, but, but… I will – am going to - send that e-mail to him right away... as soon as I get it back from proofreading!

…I was the one who had to make choice, and who indeed always did.
“I’m the only one who’s strong” (from “Found Someone New”/Susan Tedeschi)

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My neighbour complained – oh, no.. I should say: she nicely asked me to do something to get rid of the weeds that growing over to her garden. …*&^$%)()&*(*$!@!!!!!!


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Just Won’t Burn
(Susan Tedeschi)

Oh I'm feeling kinda lonely
And I'm feeling kinda down
Oh but I know I'm gonna be alright
If these blues are hangin' around
Hangin' 'round
Oh, hangin' 'round
Hangin' 'round
Oh, blues hangin' 'round
Oh! I'm feelin' kinda tired
And I don't know just what to do
Oh but I know I'm gonna be alright
'Cause these blues will pull me through
Pull me through
Oh, pull me through
Oh, pull me through
Oh, they're gonna pull me through
I'm feelin' all torn up
Just don't know which way to turn
Oh I'm gonna turn my head straight to these blues
'Cause these blues they just won't burn
Just won't burn
Oh, they just won't burn
Oh, they just won't burn
Oh, they won't
Oooh, ahhh, oh, they just won't burn
They just won't,
They just won't,
They just won't,
They just won't,
They just won't burn
No they won't burn
Oh, oh, they just won't burn
Ooh, I know they won't burn, ooh lord
No, just won't burn, oh, they just
Oh, they just won't burn

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(written by Susan Teceschi)

On a bright sunny Saturday...

Music: Play list 3
Mood: could be better
In my glass: leftover merlot from yesterday (…not too bad though)

I got suddenly soooooo sleepy after my lunch. I couldn’t keep my eyes open while making a grocery shopping list. So, although I knew I should not, I went lie down for a while. “Just for half an hour or so…” Hm.. that’s the same mistake I always make. It was nearly 8 when I awoke; I had a GOOD nap of 4 LONG HOURS!!
It was a nice day today; warm and sunny. And me, I have hardly done anything. Grmpf…

When walking Fox, I was wondering: “when I was still with R., what would I do on a day like this? On such a nice Saturday?” I don’t actually remember… Hm… he often had a gig on Saturday night, which means he was usually occupied on weekend. What was I doing then the whole weekend?? Sewing or something… anyway, I was not on computer, that’s for sure. Because computer = work to me at that time... besides, this - no limit - internet access was just impossible.

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Everybody Be Yoself
(Keb’ Mo’)

Now, you go downtown to show your face around
You got nothin’ that you want to hide
You want to make a friend just again and again
You want to wake up feelin’ satisfied
If you take it to heart you’ll make it from the start
You’ll never have to wonder why
Life is bright when you look at it right
And that is something that you can’t deny

Everybody got to live, everybody got to die
Everybody got a right to feel good inside
Everybody got a high, everybody got a low
Everybody got to be yoself no matter where you go

Now if you trust yoself but nobody else
Tell me where you gonna go
Oh you might as well stay all night and day
At home with your radio
Now you can take it of leave but if you don’t believe it
It’s oh very plain to see
That your sister and your brother no matter what the color
Are one big family

Everybody got to live, everybody got to die
Everybody got a right to feel good inside
Everybody got a high, everybody got a low
Everybody got to be yoself no matter where you go

Everybody got to live, everybody got to die
Everybody got a right to feel good inside
Everybody got a high, everybody got a low
Everybody got to be yoself no matter where you go

Now if you’re lookin’ here and you’re lookin’ there
And don’t know where you’re gonna fit in
Oh you never will and you won’t until
You see us all the same within
You get the run around till you’re lost and found
But don’t be taken by surprise
It ain’t the color of your hair or the clothes you wear
That put a smile in your neighbor’s eye

Everybody got to live, everybody got to die
Everybody got a right to feel good inside
Everybody got a high, everybody got a low
Everybody got to be yoself no matter where you go
Everybody got a will, everybody got a way
Everybody got to listen to what everybody say
Everybody got a nighttime, everybody got a day
Everybody got to give a little love away
Everybody got to stand up if you’re gonna be free
Everybody got to know to live in harmony
My my my my my my, woe woe woe woe woe
Everybody got to reap what everybody sow

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(written by Chic Street Man)

May 5, 2006

Music: Play List 3
Mood: ok - dancing
In my glass: Australian merlot 2005


The child is black, the child is white, the child is red, the child is yellow…oh, but what does the colour say? What does it matter? We are all different individuals but it’s not because of the colour or religion or tastes or… It’s only because each one of us is unique. Why don’t we respect instead of deny the uniqueness of the others?

My – perhaps idealistic and cliché – thoughts on Liberation Day, 2006.

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Here’s another song from my school days…

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Black and White
(Three Dog Night)

The ink is black
The page is white
Together we learn to read and write
The child is black
The child is white
The whole world looks upon the sight
The beautiful sight

And now a child can understand
That this is the law of all the land
All the land

The world is black
The world is white
It turns by day and then by night
The child is black
The child is white
Together they grow to see the light
To see the light

And now at last we plainly see
We’ll have a dance of liberty
The world is black
The world is white
It turns by day and then by night
The child is black
The child is white
The whole world looks upon the sight
The beautiful sight

The world is black
The world is white
It turns by day and then by night
The child is black
The child is white
Together they grow to see the light
To see the light

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(written by D. Arkin/E. Robinson)