Oh, hello 2016...

Music: “70’s Dance Party” (“Gees, you must be kidding, Kym!” “Um… nope. I quite like it”)

Mood: Joyful

In my glass: bubbly :)

Happy New Year!! 

Some thoughts in the first hours of 2016.

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2015 was to me personally a year of….

Confusion, frustration and discovery.  About myself and what is happening around/to me.

Confusion, frustration, fear, setbacks, disappointment… 

BUT… I had lots of joy and fun, too.  Met many people, made new friends.  Learned a lot (especially about myself). 

It was, after all, a good year for sure.     

And 2016…. 

I have no idea. Hopefully it’s going to be a year of change.  

“Impermanence”… or “This too will pass”.  Good or bad, things change.  But of course, “change for a better” hopefully.

Um… but still, I have no idea, no expectations.  

I take one step at a time.  

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Words for the New Year.

Smile.

Live.

Love.

Enjoy.

Acknowledge.

Give.

Accept.

Embrace.

Be.

Walk.

Peace.

Kindness. 

Communication.

Forward.

Fresh.

Relax.

Excellent. 

What?

Whatever.

Jump.

Hm.

Bend.

New.

Ach.

Gratitude.

Anxiety (yup, that too).

Explore.

Fun.

Erm… 

Dare.

Kitty.

……..

(and more)

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Things go wrong sometimes. 
That’s the nature.  Don’t be disappointed.  Make most of it. 

It’s OK to be imperfect.  That’s the nature. The imperfection also is an important piece of the puzzle.

There is no such thing as a wrong decision or wrong choice.
It only might (or might not, who knows) lead to a different outcome.  You make a decision/choice and you go for it and work on it.

It’s totally alright to feel *%#^&&$%@±!!!!!!!!!!!!* now and then.
Don’t deny or resist it but feel it, welcome it, embrace it, understand it.  It means you are alive.  Give a big hug to it. 

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Hm….. all that said… Hm… yeah…   …enough pep talk to myself….

Cheers!!!

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Enjoy the journey.  Yes, I will. :)

Happy New Year!!

Music: Playlist P2, right now: “Cry Me One Tear” by Grayson Capps

Mood: anxious

In my glass: nothing. But, yay, bubbles in 2 hours ;)

…Another 2 hours… then it’s 2015.  

I’m at home, on my own, to “meet n greet” the New Year.  I’ve been ill (ugh, a nasty cold!) since last week :(  Today I’m feeling a lot better than yesterday but not well enough to go out.  Otherwise I’d have gone to a party which I had been invited to.  Ach, okay… next year then.  Another “rain check”.  Gee, I have saved so many rain checks now :s

Okay, anyway…

If I look on the bright side… 

1) It’s not the flu.  I didn’t have a fever and it was only for a few days so I don’t think it was.  It must be only a cold… a nasty cold.  (Although I was feeling ugh so terrible nonetheless.)

2) And, as soon as I felt it “coming my way”, I did go and get enough groceries for at least a week.  I still have plenty of food in stock :)

3) I’ve got a small bottle of bubbles in the fridge :)  It was a Roy’s salon’s give-away and it’s not Champagne but it’s festive, yay!!

4) I slept.. and slept… and slept.  I really needed this long sleep.  

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Making a to-do list in the New Year.  Oh yes, there are so many again… maybe too many.  I think I’d better keep the list short.  It’s better to keep it doable, right?  Right.

To date with myself must definitely be on the list.  Haha, and who knows, I might fall in love with myself ;)

Seriously… no joke.  It’s on my “want-to-do” list.  

There are, of course, many “have-to-dos”, too.  :s  But hey, that’s life. Just check them one by one.      

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Hmmm…. what else..?

Yikes, I’m so ssssssssllllllllow… I’ve been trying to write this for 1 hour and a half now.  Hm…. well, I’m thinking and it takes time and energy ;)

So, I still have half an hour.  I can do some yoga, yay!  A short set, yes.  That’s I’m going to do now. :)

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Okay, 5 more minutes!  :)

I have my glass ready, yay!

……..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!  

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In my glass: sparkling wine

Tune now playing: “Lovin’ You” by Van Zant

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…oops…. it’s already 02:21!!  

Song now playing: “Pretty Little Lie” by Blackberry Smoke

Slowly but steadily... (3)

Music: J.J. Cale, right now playing “Don’t Cry Sister”

Mood: ...erm... ...hm...

In my glass: Coteaux du Languedoc  (left-over from last night)

On no, it’s already February!

Time flies when you’re having fun.... or not.  It has been sooooo hectic since my last update.  And, it is not “slowly” or “steadily” at all.  

Well, ok.. I have to try to write down what comes to my mind... just randomly. 

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New Year, new place... certainly, yes!  New me?  Probably yes.  But I’m not so sure.  It feels more like getting back “my old self”.  But then... that “old self” must have been lost for very long time.. like a few decades.  

Or... it’s a mix of my old self and a brand new me.  Oh yes, that’s it.  

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New place.  Just love my new place.  A small, one room apartment.  In a great area.  

My old house was.. ok.  It’s a perfect house for a family.  With 4 bedrooms (one in the basement included) and a small garden (with my roses!).  But to me, it was full of emptiness.  Without my Gang, it was nothing but a big empty space with shadowy ghosts from the past flying around.   It felt like a prison.

Now in my new place - my little castle! - I don’t see any ghosts.  Hm, no... it’s not very organized yet, I have too much stuff and it is a small place... Oh but, who cares?  I live here, it’s my place!  (Hm.. well, wish it was less expensive, though...)

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Trying to go for a walk every day... if not, just as often as I can, at least 3 times a week... with my cam.  Oh, but in this area, I enjoy a walk even to a supermarket...  Then I think: “I could walk a bit further up...”.  I often come across people I know and make some chats.. Nice :)

A photo from today's walk:


I'm going to check this place soon ;)

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Setbacks and rejections... they just happen sometimes.  They just do.

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This, I’m not very sure about.. but friends say I’m “strong”.  Strong enough to make choices.  Hm... well, maybe.  True, I always did, I always made my choices in my life.  But-er.... that’s what everybody does.    

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I love surprises :))  

Been sort of waiting for a surprise but it is not very much likely to happen.... Haha, well, perhaps I should go for a walk even more often.  

Oh well... a surprise doesn’t happen when you are waiting for it,... right?  Otherwise it wouldn’t be a surprise ;)

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I love smiles, too.  :)))

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But if I’m honest... I don’t know what I’m doing. 

Why am I here? 

Pfff...  it’s tough.  Well, I’m not giving up my plan.  I had to postpone it.  It’s only a slight delay.  

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Music now playing; “Nights Are Forever Without You”/England Dan and John Ford Coley

(...and now “Your Entertainer”/RK)

Ouch, help!

Music: “Goats Head Soup”/The Rolling Stones, now playing: “Winter”

Mood: %#)&*@!+*&$*#!!!!!

In my glass: Coteaux du Languedoc

:(

I keep forgetting to make notes.

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It hurts.  It does.

But it’s... it’s my choice.  Well, is it?  ...Er.. well, yes, it is, I’m afraid so. 

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Ach..  

Departure

Music: Playlist “Top rated”, right now playing SRV songs (“Hug You, Squeeze You”)

Mood: (...lemmethink...)

In my glass: Cabernet Shiraz

...OK, so.. where was I?

Oops, I see I haven’t written anything for more than a month!  Ya... right... 

This blog - it’s nothing but some useless notes and mumbles to myself... Nothing important or interesting.  But it helps me to “think”.  To sort and “file” my thoughts.  To know and deal with my emotions... well, not always and not very much... but it does help in a way.  And, as it’s “public”, I also try not to make it too “private”.  “Personal but not private”, that’s an important rule of a blog, I read somewhere.  

But anyway...

It’s already a new year.  A whole month has past already.  How time flies!  

And that’s exactly the point right now... Time passes too fast.  I’m left behind.  All alone.  In the dark.  

.....Hm... not really "up-lifting" as the first post of the new year.

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Niece brought a bunch of sweet pea flowers for my mom.  A pretty bouquet.  I took a couple of photos of it and the above is my mom's favourite. 

I looked up the flower language of the sweet pea:

“Good-bye”, “departure”, “delicate”, “blissful pleasure”.  

I’d give my mom the last one.  I want her to enjoy the moments.  Moments of blissful pleasure.

And.. the first two, “good-bye” and “departure”, are for me.  In a positive way.  I’m going to keep them in mind for later this year.

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“There are beautiful things happening in my life daily."  

I’m going to remember that, too, this year.  I mean, to be aware of that.  Just one small “smile“ is beautiful enough.  ...It’s like... one small beautiful happening would make up for 100 bad happenings. 

Yep, that’s the spirit, Kym.!

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And yes, I had a “smile” today!  :)

Yay!

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Music now playing: “Come On” by SRV