Dead battery... again!

Music: at this very moment “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” performed by Nigel Kennedy
Mood: hanging in there

Have still to work this week.. and then I’ll have 2 weeks off!! Hehehe …so am now just hanging in there…
I haven’t gone out for a while… since many of my friends are now away on a holiday, or very busy with finishing their work before holiday (this includes me, too!), I don’t really have an opportunity to enjoy an nice eve with a company… So, you might be able to imagine how I was looking forward to the parties this weekend; one on Saturday and the other one on Sunday. And what happens? My car doesn’t start!!! Grrrrr… Oh well, I actually should have known that, ‘cause it’s been already 3 months since I drove my car the last. Yes, of course, the battery is dead.
Anyway, I made it to the party on Sunday (not the one on Saturday) by train and taxi. People there were quite curious why the problem. I told them that I seldom drive my car because I don’t have anywhere to go – so the battery is always very low… My world is very small, I can get around by bike (or bus, tram…. even on foot) easily… Suddenly I got so many invitations to coffee, tea and other activities like sightseeing. “But you must come by car!”, they say. Hmmm, they are so kind and helpful. Since my plan for this summer has been cancelled, maybe that’s what I should do during the 2 week holiday; driving around.


Lex, a friend of mine, is going to recharge the battery for me… again.


------------------------

Mercury Blues
(Steve Miller version)

Had my money
I tell you what I’d do
I would go downtown
Buy a Mercury or two
Cause I’m crazy ’bout a Mercury
Cruise up and down this road
Up and down this road
I’m goin’ to buy me a Mercury
And I’ll cruise up and down this road
Up and down this road

You know that gal I love
I stole her from a friend
Fool got lucky stole her back again
Because she knowed he had a Mercury
Cruise up and down this road
Up and down this road
Well, she knowed he had a Mercury
And she cruise up and down this road

Hey now mama
Where’d you stay last night
Your hair’s all down
Your clothes don’t fit you right

Had my money
I tell you what I’d do
Go downtown and buy a Mercury or two
Cause I’m crazy ’bout a Mercury
And I’ll cruise up and down this road
Up and down this road

I’m going to buy me a Mercury
And I’ll cruise up and down this road
Up and down this road
….

Sunday

Music: “Vicious Cycle”/Lynyrd Skynyrd, “7 Deadly Zens”/ Tommy Shaw... and more
Mood: disastrous

Walked Fox, did the washing, had a chat with a couple of friends (I came across while walking Fox), weeded a bit, watered the plants (of my neighbours too), took some photos… It’s been an ordinary Sunday, very quiet because many people are now out of town (it’s holiday time!!).
Nothing particular happened… till my cam broke. Then I just remembered what went wrong/broke recently – so many things. I can’t recall anything that are good/went well. And all those lights, locks, doors, chains, door bell, sewing machine, teeth (!!), clock, stereo-set, camera… I can’t fix them (except for the printer… I fixed it!!).
It’s just too heavy and hard to be Kym. 24/7. Kym. is sweet, kind, joyful, strong, liberal, accommodating, co-operating, calm, timid, understanding, funny, bright, wise, modest, smiling, hardworking, enterprising, tough, hanging in there, lucky, broad-minded, accepting, always there…
I’m so sick and tired being Kym. I’m not made of air. I’m not made of stone. Ha! Then, “Life goes on”, they say. “Oh, ya? Does it?”, I’d say. “Give me, please, Prozac or.. even better “Drion” pills”.

---------------------------------

Crystal Ball

I used to like to walk the straight and narrow line
I used to think that everything was fine
Sometimes I’d sit and gaze for days through sleepless dreams
All alone and trapped in time
All alone and trapped in time

I wonder what tomorrow has in mind for me
Or am I even in its mind at all
Perhaps I’ll get a chance to look ahead and see
Soon as I find myself a Crystal Ball
Soon as I find myself a Crystal Ball

Tell me, tell me where I’m going
I don’t know where I’ve been
Tell me, tell me won’t you tell me
And then tell me again
My heart is breaking
My body’s aching
And I don’t know where to go
So tell me, tell me
Won’t you tell me
I’ve just got to know

(Crystal Ball)
There are so many things I need to know
(Crystal Ball)
There are so many things I’ve got to know
(Crystal Ball)
Won’t you tell me, please, before I go
Crystal Ball

(written by Tommy Shaw)

Place to call my own

Music: "7 Deadly Zens"/Tommy Shaw, "Don't Tread"/Damn Yankees, "This Is Where I Came In"/Bee Gees
Mood: mixed

…A city like Utrecht… Yes, I like this place; it’s an old, small, beautiful town. I especially love the old quarters – canals, churches, museums, cafés… Hmm, I’ve been living here for 23 years now. But it could have been any other place, like London, Paris, Düsseldorf, Rome, Beijing, Moscow, LA, NY, Tokyo, Osaka …or even Ouagadougou. I didn’t come to Utrecht, the Netherlands, because I liked the place, but because he was here. It was more likely that I came here than he’d come to Japan. Some people can adjust themselves easier than the others; I happen to be able to adjust and squeeze myself into almost any place. Having been living so long, I now, of course, have my base here; my house, work, friends… But nothing I’d really stay for – the most important thing I have here is friends, but they are and stay my friends wherever I am. Besides, I’d make more friends if I moved to somewhere else.
If I’d pack and move to somewhere else tomorrow, it would not really be “an unexpected move”. People who know me, would just say: Ah, that’s Kiyomi!. Yes, I would do that if I knew for sure that it’s what I’d want. …If I knew for sure that someone there was waiting for me.

---------------------------

A PLACE TO CALL MY OWN
(from “7 Deadly Zens/Tommy Shaw)

Hold the lamplight to the night
See the empty streets
Rolling out of sight

Turn a deaf ear to the din
Ignore the hunger pangs
Bundle up against the wind

Still I believe
Someone waits for me

A place to call my own
Somewhere to be from
A shelter from the storm
Where I’ll be safe and warm
A future built on stone
A place to call my own

And once there was a time
I had no fear at all
None that I recall

No future there to taunt
No history to haunt me
No monsters in the wall

Still I believe
Someone waits for me
Oh, a place to call my own
Somewhere to be from
A shelter from the storm
Where I’ll be safe and warm
Wood and bricks and stone

Oh, a place to call my own
Somewhere to be from
A shelter from the storm
Where I’ll be safe and warm
A future built on stone
A place to call my own

(written by Tommy Shaw)

Sideways/YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!

Music: Heavy and loud stuff of Lynyrd Skynyrd and Damn Yankees
Mood: screaming


Friday I went to see a film, “Sideways”.

Stephanie is waiting for him on the stairway at the motel where he is staying for the week. She sees his car coming, stands up, walks up towards him. He says: “Hi...”. She yells out at him: “YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!”, smashes his face with her helmet again and again and again…. She leaves the scene on her motorbike.

------------------------

...grin...

------------------------

Ruthless Queen
(from “Phantom of the Night”/Kayak)

With a quivering voice you spoke the word
Shadow came between us, sharp as a sword
Gone is my gladness and vanished my pride
Cause luck didn’t stay on our side

Lapped in luxury I cried for the moon
But the game is up, it all ended too soon
Awakening came as a bolt from the blue
At last rumours seemed to be true

Oh my ruthless queen
You are still the treasure of my dream
It’s the twinkle in your eyes
That took me by surprise
Oh my ruthless queen
I just can’t accept our love has been

I bear you no malice- you’ll show no remorse
Love is dead and gone it was no endless source
Your sudden leave was the finishing stroke
Considering everything broke

Oh my ruthless queen
You are still the treasure of my dream
It’s the twinkle in your eyes
That took me by surprise
Oh my ruthless queen
I just can’t accept our love has been

Please don’t tell me you couldn’t care less
While I feel like a ship in distress
Oh my ruthless queen
I just can’t accept our love has been

I can’t bear to see you go
But it’s all part of the show you perform
Letting romance fade little by little
Our love was precious but too brittle
Oh my ruthless queen
You are still the treasure of my dream
It’s the twinkle in your eyes
That took me by surprise
Oh my ruthless queen
I just can’t accept our love has been

Please don’t tell me you couldn’t care less
While I feel like a ship in distress
Oh my ruthless queen
I just can’t accept our love has been

(written by I. Linders/T. Scherpenzeel)

SHUT UP AND DANCE!

Music: OL, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Kayak, Damn Yankees, Keb’ Mo’ and more…
Mood: …hanging in there


…One of those days when things don’t seem to want to work… and me either.
I’ve been thinking: YOU SHOULD BE DANCING or SHUT UP AND DANCE???

..hm… I’d better SHUT UP AND DANCE…. I can always, always count on Tommy…


--------------------

SHUT UP AND DANCE
(from “Get a Grip”/Aerosmith)

Talk is cheep, shut up and dance
Don’t get deep, shut up and dance

Love has got me down
A tear just hit the ground
So I started writing you this song
But the words I wrote came out all wrong
Yeah, but it’s alright

When you can’t define the crime
Then life ain’t worth a dime
When they take away everything you got
And they rub your nose in the funky spot
Not without a fight

When you work your fingers to the bone
Now what does that get you --- NOTHING
In a crowd of people
You’re still alone
You hope that tells you something

The road to heaven is paved in hell
And it makes you wonder
Why we’re here at all
Check out the shape of your circumstance
He wears the dress and she wears the pants
Here comes Jill and she needs romance
But you can’t do Jack so shut up and dance!

Sex is like a gun
You aim, you shoot, you run
When you’re splittn’ hairs with Mr. Clean
It’s like getting’ head from a guillotine
And the night has just begun

(written by Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Jack Blades, Tommy Shaw)

Midnight coffee

Music: “Phantom of the night” by Kayak
Mood: nostalgic

It’s now 02:15. I just finished my second cup of cappuccino. I know, it’s not a usual time to drink coffee. I could have made chamomile tea instead… but I so wanted coffee!!
I’ve spent almost the whole afternoon and evening to sort out all the papers and the post of the last 3 weeks. And I’m not finished yet… tomorrow again – then mainly to check the post. I get 4 newspapers every day, so I guess you can imagine how high the pile was… and all the post and ads were just among those papers… I can’t stop the subscription temporally when I go away for some time because I need the papers for my work.

Gee, it’s such a MESS here. Since I came home, I only worked and worked - at least, it feels like it – , I had no time to clean up this mess. Perhaps it’s time for a total life clearance. Pffff.

My mood today - nostalgic. It comes from the CD, I think. I used to listen to Kayak often when I was in Japan.

-------------------------------

Moments of Joy
(from “Royal Bed Bouncer”/ Kayak)

Moments of joy then the ages of sadness surrounding you again
Love when he’s there then he’s gotta be leaving
You lose another friend

Lonely the night when there’s nothing beside you
But cold and empty sheets
Life is too tough, when then moments of love
Are the only things you need

Could there be somebody waiting outside
Only waiting there for you
Someone who knows even lonelier nights
And who longs for loving too?

Saddening silence, a smile or a gentle touch
Really’d help you get through
Now that your friends, your dear friends you once loved so much
All forgot about you, you remember

The time you were the only one in their world
Their love outspoken, meant not to be unheard by you

(written by T. Scherpenzeel)

Joyful

Music: Various albums at random order
Mood: ummm - mixed

OK, folks… as you see, I’m back home, safe and sound. Oh, first I’d like to thank you for your warm and kind wishes for my birthday last month. There was no possibility to check my e-mail box at that time, so I saw your comments much later… thanks again.

I know, you all are so anxious to know how it was (I mean, about my stay in B.C.), right? Um… do you want to hear good news or bad news first? ;)

It was great, just great! I had such a wonderful time there, I will never forget those 2 weeks I spent there with him. I’m now uploading the photos to Flickr to share my holiday with you.
But-uh… here comes the bad news.. I mean, bad news for me…. The dreams is over now, it ended. ...SAD, isn't it... :( As soon as I came home, I felt there was something wrong and.. then he finally let me know that he’s not feeling the same as I am. I’d rather have heard it from him in person when I was there instead of through an email… but, ok…

I’m beaten, hurt, bleeding, feeling blue and down, I cried and cried… but am not so depressed or feeling sad as I once was. You’d think it’s because it was a long distance relationship of only for a short while. But, no, I don’t think so. It WAS, yes, only for a short period, but it was very intense (it was to me, anyway). Luckily and thankfully, I didn’t suffer too long.. it was – let’s say – a quick death ;) - the last time I was suffering for years… Besides, I’m changed too… I’m happier with myself than I was a few years ago, which makes a big difference, I guess. As you might know, I learned a lot during this past year, mostly about my-own-self. So, the most important thing is that I still have myself – and of course, my great friends – to lean on if I need to. Only, I will be more careful and cautious next time - IF there is a next time (honestly, I’ve seen enough!)

It’s very strange… usually I can easily find a song or two that tells (almost) exactly how I feel… but no, not this time.. not now.

Ah, I haven’t mentioned yet… Wendy was kind enough to volunteer to show me around. Thanks a lot, Wendy! I enjoyed the hiking so much (although I couldn’t keep up with you..), and also nice strolling in downtown. Aaaaand… the pie was really awesome!

Wendy said she had a present for me… a card. She said I could draw a card, which will tell something about me. OK… so, I picked one…
It says:

JOYFUL
I dance in the happiness and joy of life, free from fear and worries.

If this is my quality, I’ll be alright. I’m not dancing at this moment, but I sure keep this in my mind :) Thank you, Wendy!

Joyful


P.S.
I'm feeling calm and strong now but am not sure if I'm feeling the same tomorrow.. :\

Who I am

Music: “7 Deadly Zens” by Tommy Shaw, “Vicious Cycle” by Lynyrd Skynyrd, “Re-Foc” by Rodrigo y Gabriela
Mood: surprisingly calm

DHL called this week:
- We have a delivery from Australia for R.O. We’d like to make an appointment for the delivery time.
- He doesn’t live here anymore.
- Oh… well, we’ve got his PO Box.. but we don’t deliver to PO Box. We need the signature, you know… We found this address in the telephone book.
- Ah… Well, ok, I’ll take it then, I’ll sign the paper… I’ll send it through to him… somehow.
- Good! Thank you. … and who are you?
- …….um….. um.... his ex… that’s the situation.
- Oh, I see… Well, thanks anyway.
- You’re welcome.

For a short moment, I couldn’t say who I was… I could just say my name, of course… I think that’s what he wanted to know… Stupid of me. .. But honestly I really couldn’t say my name either. I just didn’t know who I was.

-------------------------------------------------

Who I Am

Someone hurt you bad and that’s for sure
But they won’t ever hurt you any more
Somewhere down the road it will be gone
But until that day you just have to carry on

Every time you trip and lose your step
You complain and cry that you need help
But help is gone you just don’t know it yet
The race is on and you never placed your bet

So you cry cry cry
All night long
You say why why why
Is my love gone
Say please please
Help me if you can
Why don’t you call someone and ask them who I am

Your eyes feel like a camera in your head
And somehow you just stumbled onto the set
The movie’s just too real to walk away
But the end is coming and the bad guy’s gonna pay

So you cry cry cry
All night long
You say where where where
Did I go wrong
Say please please
Help me if you can
Call someone and ask them who I am

So you cry cry cry
All night long
You say why why why
Is my love gone
Say please please
Help me if you can
Call someone and ask them who I am
You want to know you better ask somebody

(from “7 Deadly Zen” by Tommy Shaw)