Crisis

Music: Playlist “Top rated”, now playing “Who’s Going to Shoe Your Pretty Feet” by Richard Hawley

Mood: on the edge

In my glass: “Kirin”

Oooh.. I’m so sleepy, almost falling asleep at the computer.  Now I’m going only to type out my memos to keep it as a draft.  I’ll work it out later.

...

So,

I’m not that Yes/No or Black/White.  I’m just in between (except for one thing...  :(  ).

It’s easy for you to tell me to set my course as I want, just straight to my own will.  

It’s not fair for you to say I’m not trying to do my best or to do what I’m supposed to do.  It’s not that simple.  Especially when I’m between two different cultures.  And especially now.  

Where am I?  Why am I here?  What am I doing?  Who am I??

Now I think I know why I like the southern part of the NL so much.  The Dutch in general are very rational and, I don’t know if it’s the right word... but... “hard” as well.  But people in the South are, I think, yes, they are rational just like the - standard - Dutch but also milder than the - standard - Dutch and more emotional.  

The Dutch in general do, of course, have emotions.  But it’s not their “virtue” to show or follow their emotions.

As for me... rational, yes.  I mean, I know how I should be, what I’m supposed to do.  But also too emotional to be like that or to do that without any struggle. 
The Japanese, I think, are more emotional than rational... But they are supposed to obey the rules.  That’s very much different from being rational and hard.  

...Er... I’m too tired and sleepy to make sense.  

Anyways, it was not my day... days.  I’m.. er... dragging and crawling.  

And.... “I have to tell the world that I...”. ..”I’ve got to shout from the rooftop that I...”.. but I can’t (and I’m not supposed to do that).  And that is so...  uugh...  so tough and really killing me.  
Wish I had not promised to be quiet :( 

Uhm... well, guess it’s not important.

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Tune now playing: “Delta Lady” by Leon Russell