...So what?

Music: “The Door” by Keb’ Mo’
Mood: impatient

Received an email from someone (I call him now “Mr. X”) who was reading my blog. He had some remarks on my posts – if I make a very short summary of the remarks, it will be: “OK, you are happy and lucky. Fine…but SO WHAT?” Well, I’d like to add that his writing was in a much nicer and friendlier way, of course.

I’m so happy… So what? Why am I writing only a half of the story, not playing open cards? I’m not disclosing myself… that’s the remark of this Mr. X, I think. OK… well, I did mention why I was feeling happy and lucky, but not the details like: who this person is (I’m talking about T.), how I met him, where he is… Because…uh, it’s private, in the first place.

Since my writing about the game “Knowing You Knowing Me”, I decided to make my blog more personal. Not only “I did this, I did that” kind of things, but more of what I think about myself, how I feel + what I want at that moment. I write the pages knowing that other people might be reading them, too - it helps a lot for my “self-awareness”. So, that I was feeling so happy and lucky, and why it was so, were the essence of the posts.
Besides, it’s not only me. Here’s another person involved. As I said earlier, it’s private. But, ok, I admit… if it was only me, oh, how I wish I could tell the whole world, to you, and you, and you, what this was all about. ‘Cause I just can’t hide it when I’m happy and feeling good. So happy I am now…. Even happier than when I was with Ronald (ah, finally, one name revealed!). I mean, I was happy then, but I have never been this happy with MYSELF, being ME. And, yes, of course, it has very much to do with T. as well. So, if it was only me, I’d write down his name 100 times with capital letters here on this page… Gosh, I SO love him!! But I’m not sure if he’d like to be that “public”.
Anyway, I sometimes write things which are addressed to him, like those lyrics in my recent posts. I think he knows that, and I’m sure Adam or Borya, for instance, would never think that those words are meant for them. It’s clear ‘cause there’s no T in their names, see?

Oh, and another thing – I’m not making up this T., you know, he DOES exist… I can assure you that alright.

----------------

The Door

I was down for so long
Everything I did was wrong
And I found fault
In everyone but me

I was hurt and alone
I could not find my way home
Broke-down and hungry
And too tired to moan

Then I heard somebody callin’ my name
Sayin’ ain’t no need to be shamed
I found out that the
Door was always open

I was trapped in my mind
A prisoner of my own design
Lost in a world
A world of confusion

I was there by myself
Couldn’t find no help no where else
Thought I’d call up the hotline
But there was nobody there

Then I heard somebody callin’ my name
Sayin’ ain’t no need to be shamed
I found out that the
Door is always open

(written by K. Moore/L. Ware)