Kiyomi and the Gang

To you.

2011-12-29T14:22:00.000+01:00

Music: (none)

Mood: *eeeuw...*

In my glass: green tea. Craving hot toddy... how about making “sake-nog” later?

Wish I could....

Wish I could do something for you.

To take away your sorrow, to ease your pain..., to make you smile, to brighten your day.

Just as you do to me.

Wish I could do more for you.

I feel useless.

Or... I’d, perhaps, better not do anything.

Maybe so... that I could do more for you by doing nothing, by leaving you alone.

...I feel worthless.

I want you to smile, be happy.

Thinking of you.

Random... again.

2011-12-28T14:33:00.000+01:00

Music: none. I hear only the zooming noise of the fridge.

Mood: ---

In my glass: mint tea

*Beh*... down with a nasty flu. I must be careful that Mom won’t get it from me :(

----------------

Been thinking.

When a loved one is not there any more, you are left with a hole in your heart. Nobody or nothing can fill that deep hole. If it can be filled, it is to be filled by you. You do that yourself. You are the one who can fill that empty hole.. but with what? Memories of the loved one? Thoughts? Longing for her/him/it? Because...that hole... that is where (s)he/it once was.

...Time will tell...

Or... it is also like... (s)he/it takes, when leaving, a piece of the puzzle. Her/his/its piece. You might, then, have to create a new piece to fill the puzzle - even though it won’t really fits there. Or... just leave the puzzle incomplete, perhaps? That’s an option, too. You can always make a whole new puzzle.

----------------

Ah, ...there was a song, by the way.

Yep, yep... “there’s a hole in my heart, that can only be filled by you~~~”

This hole in my heart.... But that’s a different story :P

There's a hole in my heart

That can only be filled by you

And this hole in my heart

Can't be filled with the things I do

Hole hearted

(from “Hole Hearted” written by N. Bettencourt/G. Cherone)

----------------

It feels like I’m holding my breath under the water.

---------------

Beeeeehhh.... feeling baaaaaaahhd..... :(

Hot toddy would help me to get rid of this flu... or just to get through the night. Ugh, but there's no toddy :( I’ll have another mug of tea then.

Think I’m going to bed soon.....

--------------

The fridge is still zooming...

Guilty

2011-12-21T17:01:00.001+01:00

Music: Playlist “P3”, right now playing “Querido Amigo”/Jesse Cook

Mood: ...er..... ......

In my glass: green tea. Cabernet Shiraz is about to be poured :)

Wondering... what I might have done wrong. This time I have no clue. No use of wondering right now.

-----------

Having been in hospital for about 6 weeks, Mom’s coming home Friday. That’s such good news and she’s happy :)

Hm... we’d better (try our best to) avoid another “cold war” :s

-----------

Walked a lot today.

It was a cold but very nice day - clear blue sky and lots of sunshine.

Strange that I haven’t taken any pics.

-----------

Kind of homesick. ...But to where?

“Home is where the heart is”....

All I can “imagine” now is the empty house.

-----------

A. asked the other day about my plans.

I have plans... still vague plans but I do. And I have wishes.

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way”.

...Really?

------------

Ordered new glasses. I used to wear glasses a long long time ago. I remember the colours were so different with them on, so clear and vivid.

-----------

Guilty. I’m guilty as charged.

-----------

Guilty

(Billie Holiday)

Is it a sin, is it a crime
Loving you dear like I do
If it's a crime then I'm guilty
Guilty of loving you
Maybe I'm wrong dreaming of you
Dreaming the lonely night through
If it's a crime then I'm guilty
Guilty of dreaming of you

What can I do?
What can I say?
After I've taken the blame
You say you're through
You'll go your way
But I'll always feel just the same
Maybe I'm right maybe I'm wrong
Loving you dear like I do
If it's a crime then I'm guilty
Guilty of loving you

-----------

lyrics by Gus Kahn

music by Harry Akst & Richard A. Whiting

----------

Tune now playing: “Don’t Wait” (from “After Midnight”) by J.J. Cale

(More) random notes

2011-12-16T17:20:00.000+01:00

Music: Playlist "L.", right now playing “I Don’t Wanna Be With Nobody But You” by Stevie Salas

Mood: crawling (upwards)

In my glass: “vino tinto”

Rrrrrrright... today’s lesson: pay a few euros more for better wine :s

In NL, one would get much better wine for the same price as this Spanish red :(

But, yes... stupid me. I should know... should have known that by now....

-----------

Ugh! The super strong Yen is really killing! ...Ugh!

-----------

“Where are you?

I love you

Where are you?

I love you

Where are you to keep me warm?”

..........

(from “Black Diamond”/The Bee Gees)

----------

Brrrrrr..... it’s cold. It’s cold outside, it’s freezing (=below zero!!). And it’s cold INSIDE the house, too! No, it’s not freezing (thank god!) but it’s so cold that I would need a pair of gloves! I have cold hands and cold feet. Brrrrr.....

----------

Bought finally a wine glass. :)

----------

Mom was very upset. It was about something the doc had said. “It’s not such a big deal, nothing to worry or get upset about,” I said to her. But it’s true, it was not very considerate of the doc to say that to her. Grrrrrr.....

----------

“...And maybe you and I could speak

And maybe we could start to see

If only this wasn’t just a dream...”

.......

(From “Maybe”/Jesse Cook)

----------

Hm.... It must be my “sunshine” index.

I was in a better mood yesterday... or the day before now.

And, those words had made me smile.

----------

“You are my sunshine my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away”

........

(From “You Are My Sunshine”/Jimmie Davis)

----------

“I never let nobody close to me, close enough to let me down

Your sweet eyes keep teasing me

How can I resist

I know that it’s gonna catch up to me when we kiss”

.......

(From “Catch Up To Me”/Richie Kotzen)

----------

...tired & sleepy....

----------

Music now playing: “Serious” by Richard Hawley

Random notes

2011-12-12T16:36:00.001+01:00

Music: Playlist “Top rated”, right now playing “Hummingbird” by Leon Russell

Mood: negative

In my glass: Merlot

---------

One war has ended. Who won? Nobody. At least, that’s what I think. Oh well, it was not my war anyway.

I have my own war - if I should call it a war - but it has not started yet. Erm... well, okay, it depends how I look at it. In a way, it’s been going on for more than 10 years already and it has to end some day... hopefully soon.

Anyway, I’m a cat person. I don’t like wars or conflicts... or any trouble at all.

---------

Mrs. M. came along last night, and said: “Girl, you should not be home alone. It’s not good for you. You should have fun!”

A lovely lady, this Mrs. M. :)

---------

A friend said to me many years ago: “You’d better not wait too long. Before you know it, you’re 80.”

I said to her: “I’m not waiting. It just does not happen.”

Now, something like 9 years later, it’s still not happening, so it seems. I mean, it did. It has happened... but... no. It takes two to tango (or rumba... or whatever...) after all.

Hm... before long I’m 80. How nice... (not)!

---------

Auntie came over and stayed the night again. She likes my cooking, btw :)

We talked about lots of things again... like...

I said: “I wonder if my mom has ever been in love so so so very passionately and devotedly... like losing herself in love with somebody. I wonder if she knows that feeling...”

Auntie said: “hm... I don’t remember she ever was. I wonder, too.”

--------

Been to a karaoke bar a couple of times now.

“Sing as if nobody’s listening.”

Yep, that’s the spirit! You are the star!! I am the star!!!!!

And, you just don’t mind the others singing (out of tune).

Yep, that’s the spirit.

--------

It feels like.... I lost my way.

--------

Today... I’m trying to think positive... without success.

Asking myself if I’m happy, if I’m feeling good.

It depends how I look at it, yes... it’s all how you look at it, how you see it.

I’m... fine.

--------

I bought a notebook for Mom.

“Write about anything that came to your mind, anything you want, - just a few lines, a few words.. a word.”

Yesterday I saw she had written a couple pages full. She is not writing a real story. She’s taking only short notes but it’s alright.

Ah... right, I’m carrying a small notebook with me, I just remembered. That pink notebook! I think I’m going to take notes, too... Haven’t done that since.. since.. a few months.

--------

...Ooops... I’ve still got some work to do :(

--------

Music now playing: “Play That Funky Music” by Thunder

...

2011-12-02T20:28:00.001+01:00

Music: Playlist “P3”, now playing “Bleeding Love” by The Baseballs

Mood: calm

In my glass: “Kirin”

...*sigh*

That’s me.

It’s not true if I say I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I do know...

Or... it’s me. I am wrong. This whole “me and myself” is wrong.

..Yes, I remember... I was, as a kid, different, living in my own world. I guess I still am.

Auntie came over the other night. We talked the whole night - till 7 in the morning. She had some stories to tell. She cried... cried a lot. I hugged her and said to her that she could cry as much as she wanted. She did.

And me...

Dunno.

-----------

Music now playing: “Heaven, Hell or Houston” by ZZ Top...(”Hello darlin’....”)

Why not?

2011-12-01T16:40:00.001+01:00

Music : Playlist “Top 25”, now playing “Surrender 2 Love” by OL

Mood: mmmm....mellow

In my glass: Merlot (in 15 minutes or so)

...So... the guy at the end of the counter seems to know some of the customers already but as far as I understand, he is a kind of newbie (oh yes, me, too). Eventually we all - 5 people at the counter - are in a brisk conversation. Hm, excuse me but some jokes are hard for me to follow :s

As the guy next to me leaves, that newbie guy takes the stool and asks my friend if we belong to each other. My friend nods and tells the newbie that I’m his wife. “Hahahah!”. Then he whispers to me, “if you mind that, just tell him you are not”.

Well, why should I bother??

Then the newbie guy asks me if he can buy me a beer.

I say, “why not?” and smile :)

Yep... I always have those “mothballs” around me, after all, to keep moths away ;)

....Why should I?

....Why not?

---------

Mom is very nervous and worried about this coming Monday. I keep telling her everything’s going to be fine. Keep telling her not to worry;

“Worrying about something you don’t know yet is just waste of energy”.

“Do what you believe, follow your heart, go for it!”

...Hey, look who’s talking to whom?

----------

Reading that status of H. on FB again - “risks must be taken”.

Besides, what risks? I am a clown already :s

Oh, and-er... “Dance as if..., sing as if..., love as if..., live as if...”

----------

Merlot... it’s been a while. Cheers to me!

Ha!

---------

Music: Playlist P3, now playing “Rattle And Burn” by Jesse Cook

---------
...Bbbrrrrrr..... it's so cold!!!

Anniversary

2011-12-01T03:35:00.001+01:00

Music: Playlist P3, now playing “I Promise I Will” by Wilson Hawk

Mood: er....

In my glass: ...green tea - it’s 11:30 a.m. ;)

Cold and grey morning. Raining, too.

I’m not so upset as I was... although still feeling stupid. Well, right... silly me. Again, there was no reason to be upset. Really.

A kind of anniversary, it is, yes. I’m going to have a glass (or two...) of red tonight.

------------

Music now playing: “Fire & Fury (Fuego & Furia)” by Oscar Lopez... ah, it has just finished as I typed this. Now playing “A Song For You” by Leon Russell.

What killed the cat?

2011-11-29T17:19:00.001+01:00

Music: “Fooled Again” by RK (repeat-mode)

Mood: upset

In my glass: would need a shot of... er... anything!

I’m so upset. Why, why, why??? I shouldn’t be. I know I should not be.

Feeling like a stupid idiot.

Grrrrr..... OK, I’d better stop it now. I’ll have to see if I’m feeling the same tomorrow. If so, I’ll think about it again... why and how.

--------

I’m not feeling well anyway, am under the weather :( Stayed home today, did some housekeeping duties.

It was also a bad-hair-day. Need a hair cut (and yes, colour!!!) very soon, very very soon :(

--------

UGH!!!!

--------

Music now playing: “Fooled Again” by RK (still repeating)

Crisis

2011-11-20T18:02:00.001+01:00

Music: Playlist “Top rated”, now playing “Who’s Going to Shoe Your Pretty Feet” by Richard Hawley

Mood: on the edge

In my glass: “Kirin”

Oooh.. I’m so sleepy, almost falling asleep at the computer. Now I’m going only to type out my memos to keep it as a draft. I’ll work it out later.

...

So,

I’m not that Yes/No or Black/White. I’m just in between (except for one thing... :( ).

It’s easy for you to tell me to set my course as I want, just straight to my own will.

It’s not fair for you to say I’m not trying to do my best or to do what I’m supposed to do. It’s not that simple. Especially when I’m between two different cultures. And especially now.

Where am I? Why am I here? What am I doing? Who am I??

Now I think I know why I like the southern part of the NL so much. The Dutch in general are very rational and, I don’t know if it’s the right word... but... “hard” as well. But people in the South are, I think, yes, they are rational just like the - standard - Dutch but also milder than the - standard - Dutch and more emotional.

The Dutch in general do, of course, have emotions. But it’s not their “virtue” to show or follow their emotions.

As for me... rational, yes. I mean, I know how I should be, what I’m supposed to do. But also too emotional to be like that or to do that without any struggle.
The Japanese, I think, are more emotional than rational... But they are supposed to obey the rules. That’s very much different from being rational and hard.

...Er... I’m too tired and sleepy to make sense.

Anyways, it was not my day... days. I’m.. er... dragging and crawling.

And.... “I have to tell the world that I...”. ..”I’ve got to shout from the rooftop that I...”.. but I can’t (and I’m not supposed to do that). And that is so... uugh... so tough and really killing me.
Wish I had not promised to be quiet :(

Uhm... well, guess it’s not important.

-----------

Tune now playing: “Delta Lady” by Leon Russell

...uhm....

2011-11-15T19:19:00.001+01:00

Music: "Thinking Of You (Pensando En Ti)" by Oscar Lopez

Mood: :s

In my glass: H2O

...er... uhm.... well.. right.... yes, I know.... it was just....

I should not have.

I will keep quiet now.

--------

Music now playing: "I Need You Tonight" by ZZ Top

(.....er..... I keep quiet, I will, yes. I promise)

Falling...

2011-11-13T17:36:00.001+01:00

Music: “Blue Train” by John Coltrane, right now playing “Moment’s Notice”

Mood: “Kind Of Blue”

In my glass: "Kirin"

It was a beautiful day. Clear blue sky, lots of sunshine. Nice n warm. But it’s different than what it was a month ago. The sky, the air, the colours, the smell, the light... all different.

It’s going to be a colder season again.

I’m in a far away land. Long way from home.. where it once was my home. An empty space.

I’m falling. ...Asleep.

----------

Tune now playing: “Lazy Bird” (...hm... me?)

P.S.

2011-11-11T18:51:00.001+01:00

“God knows I love you, baby, tell the world I do

God knows I love you, darlin', tell the world I do

I'll do anythang, just to be loved by you...”

...“Anythang”..

---------

SRV’s version of a JLH’s.

Could one think of anything better?

---------

P.S.

I love you.

Cheers!

2011-11-11T16:52:00.001+01:00

Music: “Way Out West” by Sonny Rollins, now playing “Wagon Wheels”

Mood: :)

In my glass: Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon

I keep forgetting. There’s nothing to “crawl” about right now. I’d better enjoy every small happiness. Cherish the moments.

I am smiling now. And, in fact, it’s a big smile :))

Feeling warm inside on a very cold rainy day.

How simple I can be... Well, don’t they say “simple is the best”?

Hm.. or.. it’s a matter of “perspective”. It’s all how you look at it, how you see it.

In a way... I haven’t been this “happy” for a long time.

Cheers!

----------

Music: Playlist “Top rated”, now playing “Love Walked In (live)” by Thunder (ha, been a while!)

----------

But still.... I wish...

It’s...

2011-11-10T16:57:00.001+01:00

Music: Playlist “L”, now playing “Crawl” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Mood: crawling

In my glass: Merlot

“I REALLY MEAN IT, I’M SERIOUS!!!!!”

Hm...

It’s...... hard.

-----------

Now playing: “Goin’ Places” by The President (“wowie!” guitar solo of Bas!)

Nap

2011-11-07T16:35:00.000+01:00

Music: Playlist “Top rated”, now playing “Fast Money Fast Cars” by RK
Mood: #%$#&(*&)$#@~~~~!!!!!!!
In my glass: French red (Pays d’Oc)

I was having a nap this afternoon and dreamed of Pippie.
The front door was open. Pippie was sitting at the door, looking outside. I picked her up, held her in my arms and said, “Don’t go away or Kym. will be sad, will cry”. She purred. She was very soft.

------------
Music now playing: “Every Morning” by Keb’ Mo’

Too bad

2011-11-05T17:33:00.001+01:00

Music: Playlist “P3”, now playing “Blue Jean Blues” by ZZ Top
Mood: ...er....
In my glass: “Kirin”

Mom was feeling better the other day and we - she, me, two friends - went to the karaoke bar again. I was there only to take pics - at least, that was my intention. But in fact, it’s very hard to keep saying, “no, thank you, but I’m not going to sing”.
So, alright, I sang a song.. yes I did. ..Eeew.. :(
One of Mom’s friends asked if the song was meant for somebody. I said, “yes.”
Then... he (this friend) started to sing a song.. it was “Diana” by Paul Anka. Ha! I think - I am very certain - he was singing the song to my mom. But alas, Mom was not really listening.
It’s quite clear to see he’s got warm feelings for her. I think she knows that, too. But she says, “...too bad.”

Hm... right...
I hear that, too. Too bad.

--------
Now playing: “I Need You Tonight” by ZZ Top

Just another ordinary day...

2011-10-31T17:12:00.000+01:00

Music: Playlist “Top rated”, right now playing “Whiskey Drinkin’ Woman” by Lou Donaldson
Mood: :(
In my glass: beer (...hm would have liked Merlot more...)

Laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping... this and that... and a little of working.

----------
"In fact here’s just another ordinary day.....

No summer’s high
No warm July
No harvest moon to light one tender August night
No autumn breeze
No falling leaves
Not even time for birds to fly to southern sky

No Libra sun
No Halloween
No giving thanks to all the Christmas joy you bring
But what it is, though old so new
To fill your heart like no three words could ever do...."

-----------
So, Pippie is gone. She has joined the others at the rainbow bridge. I hope they are having good time there... snoozing in the sun, playing with one another....
But then... er.. now there’s nobody home waiting for me. No woof-woof or mew-mew to welcome me.
I miss them all so bad.

-----------
Tune now playing: “Don’t Turn Your Heater Down” by Tommy Castro

“...Hello...?”

2011-10-24T16:05:00.000+02:00

Music: “Heat” by Oscar Lopez, now playing “Thinking of You (Pensando En Ti)”
Mood: ...”Asi Soy”
In my glass: to be filled with Australian Cabernet Sauvignon

...Wish I could.... talk.
Talk about - er... I don’t know :(
I never know what to talk about. That’s one of the reasons of my telephone phobia.

“Hello..., how are you?
Have you been alright, through all those lonely nights?
That's what I'd say, I'd tell you everything,
If you'd pick up that telephone....”

-----------
OK, I think I have waited long enough now - for about an hour - to pour myself that wine :)
...So,... :)

-----------
“Telephone line, give me some time, I’m living in twilight...”

-----------
Tune now playing: “Toca Orilla” by Jesse Cook

Hug A Day

2011-10-20T19:58:00.000+02:00

Music: Playlist “P3”, right now “Blue Jean Blues” by ZZ Top
Mood: .....
In my glass: Cabernet Sauvignon (Chilean)

...Been thinking if I did all I could today for my mom.
No, I didn’t. I could have done a lot more.. I should have.
Why didn’t I hug her or, at least, hold her hand just to calm her down when she was upset over the questions? I did, of course, help her to find the words, to answer the questions. Yes, I did. But.... now I think, hours and hours later, I think I should - I could have hold her instead.

-----
hah... while I’m writing this, Mom wakes up to go to the bathroom. She mumbles... and I hug her. ...Oh boy, she starts to cry. I can’t handle that :s

-----
I’m going to kiss and hug her a good morning tomorrow... and every day. ...I now wonder why “they” (should I say “we”?) the Japanese never hug or say “I love you” or show affection?

-----
I hear my mom “zzzzzz...” Sleep well, Mom :)

-----
Now playing: “Catch Up To Me” by RK

Blue

2011-10-16T19:23:00.000+02:00

Music: Playlist “Top rated”, now playing “Don’t Tease Me” by ZZ Top

Mood: ...on the edge

In my glass: nothing (Just finished California Cabernet Sauvignon)

Mom says: "...is it me or...you’re looking pretty today... ???”

I say: “must be the blue eye-shadow matching with my shirt today”.

Mom says: “oh ya?”

I say: “yep. It was pink yesterday.”

Mom says: “...oh...”

LOL!

Music now playing: “Hi Fi Mama” by ZZ Top

...

2011-10-09T03:48:00.000+02:00

...I was hoping it was mine...
...Wish it were for me...
...That it were mine, all mine...

...Oh well...

:)

Tomorrow...

2011-10-05T18:19:00.000+02:00

Music: Playlist “Top Rated”, now playing “Don’t Tease Me” by ZZ Top
Mood: .....
In my glass: Cabernet Sauvignon

...Gees, I can’t believe it myself but it’s true... I’m busy with housekeeping every day!! ..Er... “busy” is not the right word.. but still... Who would have thought... !!!!! :D

----------
“Tomorrow never comes” (‘cause when it comes, it’s not “tomorrow” anymore but it’s “today”) so live today to the max.
Hm... well, seriously... you never know what happens tomorrow... or.. even an hour later. So, live today, live this moment.
Yay! ....May I pour another glass of Cabernet Sauvignon? ;)

----------
...But I admit... It’s a lonely world.

----------
It was cold and rainy today.

----------
Now playing: “Sure Got Cold After the Rain Fell” by ZZ Top

Correction

2011-10-01T17:47:00.000+02:00

Music: Playlist “Top rated”, right now “Crazy As Me” by Alison Krauss & Union Station
Mood: neutral
In my glass: just finished beer

Correction:
er... I wait.. I do. In fact, that’s all I’m doing :(
I know, I shouldn’t.

---------
*sigh*
“Exit light, enter night...”
It’s sleepy time.

---------
Didn’t do much today. Lazy day... I mean, lazy me.

---------
Now playing: “Momma Cried” by Alison Krauss & Union Station

Random thoughts

2011-09-29T17:37:00.000+02:00

Music: “Leon Russell” by Leon Russell, right now “Hurtsome body”
Mood: sentimental
In my glass: beer

---------
It’s so strange that there are so many different “worlds” than that I’m living in. Every one of us has his/her own world.. own life. ...MIne, yours, his, hers... with its own story.

---------
Life goes too fast right now. Slow down a bit, please... Please?

---------
But then, time ticks too slow sometimes. Especially my time - it’s rather dragging than ticking while the world around me turns much too fast.

---------
Wish I knew... wish I could... wish it was... Hm.., well, what the use of wishing? ...when you know that it’s impossible, that it will never come true, when you know it’s useless? When you know you will never get there?

----------
No, I don’t wish, I don’t wait, I don’t dream, I don’t expect, I don’t..... I just don’t. ...Er...

----------
I don’t ask why, I don’t ask why not. I don’t wonder why or why not. When it happens, it happens. When it doesn’t, it doesn’t.

-----------
Seasons come, seasons go. I don’t seem ever to learn.

----------
Will you be there? Will you still be there??
....Oops, I have just said I don’t ask, that I don’t wonder... Well, right, as you see, I do. Yes, I do... and I hate that.

---------
I do, yes I do.. I do cry sometimes.

---------
...Eyes, those eyes. “Eyes that can kill”. Hah, Mr. Russell’s.

---------
...sooooooo want to *SCREAM*. But what for? Even if I did, you would not hear me... well, would you? No... Besides, I’m not supposed to do that.

---------
“What the use of...?”

---------
Hm.. ya.. That’s me and that’s the first mistake I always make.

---------
“I want to be evil”.

---------
Ugh!

---------
Now playing: “Roll Away the Stone” by Leon Russell

Change

2011-09-23T16:55:00.000+02:00

....hm, yes, I know, I know, I knnnoooowww!!

My blog needs renewal, yes I know that.

But I like the LastFM link (here on the right), which actually does not exist any more :(

And the random Flickr photos, too (this, I’m not sure if the feature still exists).

Ach, ya, I too do need some changes. Alright.. well, I’ll see...

-------

Music now playing: “Fool For Your Stockings”/ZZ Top

Life's lessons.....

2011-09-23T15:01:00.000+02:00

Music: Playlist “Top rated”, artist ZZ Top. Right now “Blue Jean Blues”

Mood: ....fine... (I think)
In my glass: H2O (...might get beer in a moment... )

Slowly getting back online... but not as often/much/long as I would like to be :(

Please allow me to share a friend’s status on FB:

“To laugh is to risk appearing the fool. To weep is to risk appearing sentimental. To reach for another is to risk involvement. To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self. To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss. To love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying. To believe is to risk despair. To try is to risk failure. But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live. Chained by their attitudes they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom. Only a person who risks is free.”

Song now playing: “La Grange”

Waiting 4 Stars 2 Fall

2011-08-09T02:54:00.007+02:00

Music: Playlist P2, now playing “All That Remains” by Jesse Cook

Mood: unstable

In my glass: mint tea - will have Merlot later

It’s that time of the year again.... The Perseids. Yep, the sky full of falling stars!! Good chance to make a wish :)

It must be a beautiful show... but alas, there’s no hope to see that happen here; the weather is simply too BAD and.. all those city lights... Wish I was in Death Valley, where I have once seen the most wonderful starry sky ever...

I guess there are always stars falling. We only can’t/don’t see them. I don’t see them.

----------

Had a very surreal night yesterday.

Went out for dinner with a friend, had a nice time.

On our way back to the station, we walk through the station building/shopping mall complex. It’s about 11:30 at night, the arcade is almost empty and very quiet. And there’s a lady in a purple sweater sitting on a small bench, all alone, looking down. Kind of strange, it’s not really a likely place (and time) to meet or wait for somebody. Then we notice she’s actually “working” on a embroidery, highly concentrated on her needlework. It’s a strange and somehow very sad scene.. I mean, that was the atmosphere she was surrounded with. But then... I notice that she’s making an embroidery of... the Big Smurf. OMG,... I had to hurry to get out of there.. because I couldn’t keep myself from bursting out laughing.

Well, I’m almost sure that she’s got a sad and tragic story to tell.... hm, or maybe not... it’s possible that she’s just a fan of Big Smurf... who knows.

Oh but then, I really couldn’t stop laughing...

And now we are on the platform, where my friend is going to take a train to go home.

There are still a lot of people - much more than I would expect at this time on a Sunday night.

Then... we notice a man - I think around 60?? - with a moustache. He’s wearing a skirt... a kind of sarong or wrap skirt with a bright, flowery pattern. When he walks up closer to us, we notice his nails are beautifully... are.. decorated, yes long nails with the “nail art”.

My goodness. I was still laughing because of that needle work lady... and now this.. er gentleman. It’s just too much!!

...And then... there comes a young Dutch (I think so) girl... with a mini skirt. Her dark blue suit reminds me a little of Japanese school uniforms. And yes, she’s carrying a Japanese flag in her hand. Her legs are so pale and white...

Oh my, what a surreal night!

Riding on my bike back home, I couldn’t help laughing... People must have thought: “What a weird woman, scary!”.

-------------

Alright, I’m going to pour a glass of Merlot.

Music now playing: “Dream - I Just Want 2 Drown In U” by OL

Blue

2011-08-04T06:55:00.016+02:00

...I really can't follow what is happening with the font and font size every time... Whatever I try, I can't get it right... Grrrrrr...

-------------

Music: “Just Won’t Burn”/Susan Tedeschi, right now “Rock Me Right”

Mood: neutral

In my glass: Sauvignon Blanc

...Oh boy... he’s desperate, I can tell. Well, I can listen, I’m a good listener. I can’t give any advice but I can be there to listen. And this time I’d say... “Boy, you are a blues man and you are now living it. Be happy with that!!” Hm... well, I know, it would not help.

--------------

Last week... ... er... it was, I think, Saturday morning, yes.

I let Fox out and there comes the paperboy - the evening paper; he brings the paper just before noon on Saturdays. He likes Fox, by the way. When he saw Fox for the first time (a couple of months ago), he said he didn’t know “what kind of creature” Fox was. “Er... a mix of dog and horse??” ... :LOL!!

But anyway, this paperboy, well, a guy... maybe in his early 30s... can be somewhere in 20s..., he says: “Next time I’ll take a picture of you sleeping on the sofa. You look so sweet like a baby”. Huh??? Ya, right, I often have a nap in the afternoon and he can see that when he delivers the paper. Obviously he’s not Dutch. His Dutch sounds kind of charming ;) - er... so does mine, I hope - .

And he goes on: “What’s your name?”, “Do you live here alone?”....

Well, I give him only vague answers.. he looks alright, honest and friendly.. (quite nice and.. even cute!! haha) but-er.. you never know... Then he says, “ah, good, good. Are you *sociable and cozy* with your boyfriend? Good, good!” He meant *happy* with *sociable and cozy* in his charming Dutch, I think, and I say, “Yes, thank you.”.

Since then, I haven’t had a nap on the sofa yet ;)

---------------

Yay! It’s Wednesday night/Thursday morning and I’m not working!!!!! Mmmmmmmmmmm... KISS! I mean, I do have many things to do but I have decided to have a week off. Which means I have one week delay now on my schedule.. but ach... Please.

---------------

Watched a few vids of Leon Russell (with those eyes that can kill..) on YouTube. Oh.. Me wants the latest album!! That with Elton John sounds awesome!! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... can you think of any sexier man than Mr. Russell??? Any sexier eyes than his?????

(Er... well,... ahem, ... I can, actually... I know a pair of eyes that can kill... with 100.000 volts... *OOOOOPS... HELP!!!!!!! )

----------------

Er...”Blue”... Oh.. I don’t know why... perhaps because of the “blues”.

F. is now living his blues... and I’m living my own blues... Everybody has got his/her own blues sometimes (in some cases, too often...).

---------------

H. posted a quote of Woody Allen on FB. Something about “suffering”. To love is to suffer, not to love is also to suffer.. to be happy is to suffer, too. ..Something like that. And I say.. "It seems we suffer anyway. Then just love and enjoy suffering." ...I sure am "enjoying" that right now, yes. Thank you.

---------------

Music now playing: “Song For You” by Leon Russell (aaaaahhh.......)

I Need You Tonight

2011-07-30T07:32:00.002+02:00

Music: “I Need You Tonight” by ZZ Top

Mood: I Need You Tonight

In my glass: Shiraz Malbec

....ya... I need you tonight.. even more than last night... ....or any other nights.

:’(

--------------

I Need You Tonight

(ZZ Top)

It's three o'clock in the morning

and the rain begin to fall

but I know what I'm needin’

but I don't have it all.

I'm needin’ someone like you

that I just wanna do love to.

Baby, baby, I need you tonight.

Outside my window

it's lonely and cold.

Inside my heart there's a fire

burning out of control.

Burning for someone like you

I just wanna do love to.

Baby, baby, I need you tonight.

Your love's coming to me

like a wolf howling at the moon

but that just doesn't do me

if I can't get you soon.

I'm calling for someone like you

that I just wanna do love to.

Baby, baby, I need you tonight.

------------

written by Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hill & Frank Beard

Magic!

2011-07-23T05:42:00.015+02:00

-----------

Pffff... I don't understand...

I haven't changesd anything.... but somehow the font and font sizes aren't the same as before...

Er... I'm too sleepy for this. Zzzz.....

----------

Music: “Joy To The World” by Three Dog Night

Mood: *sob-sob-sob*

In my glass: Cabernet Sauvignon

People say I’d better go out more, have fun, “meet a guy!”. Hahahah.... ;)

Well, I do go out - perhaps not often enough but I do whenever I can -, I do have friends to have fun with. Sure I do!

A., a good friend of mine, texted me the other day that he knew somebody for me. Ha!!

The story is.. that he was talking with a friend and they talked also about me (well, how it had come that way I’d never know!). Anyway, A. wrote that “we” should have a chat with each other once.

I warned A. alright that I was not really “available” (that in a couple of ways) and he said it was not a problem and, “just meet him, it’s alright”.

OK, so, it was my first ever blind date... or any kind of date then :P

I admit. There are times that I think: It would be *nicer* to wake up to find those arms around me.... than waking up in the empty bed finding that it was a dream.

But now it’s been “officially” and definitely confirmed as I actually already knew... Thank you, A., but I’d rather stay in my dreams - right, those arms aren’t there when I wake up, they will never be. .....Hm, OK, but that’s it then.

Er.... there was a song, I think, called “I’d rather be blind” or something... ?

It’s about something else, ya, right... And, oh well, I’m not blind or it’s not that I’m reluctant to look around.. I just don’t see...

I will keep my eyes open, though... ;) So, you people, keep your eyes open, too, for me, please! :D

BTW, I enjoyed the blind date very much, yes I did :)

Well, ...going out, meeting (new) people and having a good time... Yep, it’s true and people are right, I should do that more often. I will, when I come back.

------------

Music now playing: “Looking For Answers” by Susan Tedeschi

------------

...Aw... a “sob-sob-sob” song.

Not Too Much To Ask

(Mary-Chapin Carpenter)

To hear you say my name, to see you search my eyes

To feel you touch my hand, it more than satisfies.

If I was not the first, just say I'll be the last

It's too much to expect, but it's not too much to ask.

Now I can only dream of being all you need

And I can only try to be the reason why

You think about today and forget about the past

It's too much to expect, but it's not too much to ask.

Now I can only dream of being all you need

And I can only try to be the reason why

You think about today 'cause the past is just the past

It's too much to expect, but it doesn't hurt to ask

It's too much to expect, but it's not too much to ask.

----------

written by Mary-Chapin Carpenter/Don Schlitz

-----------

oh, btw, it's been nice and sunny since he sent me the warm ray of sunshine... :)))))) Magic!

No....

2011-07-12T07:13:00.004+02:00

Music: mainly blues

Mood: .......

In my glass: had Côtes du Rhône earlier, now “tension tamer” tea

Last night - early this morning.... whatever... - I was finally in bed. Suddenly I thought: “I wish I had a home to come back to.” A place or somebody to “come back” to.

I guess I have been alone for just too long.

This morning: I come downstairs and find a post on the mat. An envelope with a grey poststamp on it.

L. past away last Friday. Oh no......

It was a couple of weeks ago when I visited L. and his wife. I was thinking of going to see them this week again.

...No... ...no.

-----------------

“I want to come home.

It's been so long since I've been away

And please, don't blame me 'cause I've tried

I'll be coming home soon to your love to stay

Coming home to stay

Coming home to your love, mama

I've seen better days...”

------------

(from “Comin’ Home”/Lynyrd Skynyrd, written by Allen Collins, Ronnie van Zant)

“Dream, just a dream”

2011-07-09T04:37:00.007+02:00

Music: playlist “25 most played”, right now “So Sad Today”/Thunder

Mood: confusion, chaos, desperation... all those kinds of things

In my glass: Merlot

Been trying to write emails to friends for hours now. But all I do is just staring at the computer screen. I just don’t know where to start... OK, tomorrow.. or anyway, this weekend I will. For now, I give up.

It took such a long while - but I finally know which way I would like to go... I mean, I thought I knew - well, vaguely. So, I started to make a plan for my first step.

But then - this bad news came. Ah, ok, that’s life. Right now there’s only one thing I should do. Hm, what about my plans? *Sigh* OK, they were not clear yet anyway. Can they wait? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t think so. I’ll have to see.

One week has already past since the news and I haven’t done anything. I have so many things to do, to have arranged, to get done before I leave. And I would not know how :(

---------------

These lyrics keep running in my head today. The song is not even a fave of mine - it was not at that time anyway.

Hm... perhaps it (and all this) is the voice from above that I should stop dreaming.

“I thought that I heard you laughing

I thought that I heard you sing

I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream

Try, cry, why try?

That was just a dream

Just a dream, just a dream

Dream...”

------------------

from “Losing My Religion"/R.E.M, written by Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe

------------------

Music now playing (still the same playlist): “Fooled Again”/Richie Kotzen

AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!

2011-06-27T05:32:00.003+02:00

Music: “Leon Russell”/Leon Russell, right now playing “I Put a Spell On You”

Mood: AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!

In my glass: water

It’s been “AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!” for weeks... or months.. or.. I actually can’t remember.

I’ve been thinking a lot, too, about many things. ...And keep forgetting many as well. So, what’s the use of thinking???

I took some notes yesterday so I would remember at least the most important things.. but now I can’t read my notes; they are like some kind of codes, they look like an ancient script. I’d have to decode them again :s

Oh, one thing I remember....

I thought: “Forget that walk in consult... I have a better idea...” Hm, I thought so at that moment... but I’m not sure now. Ah, well, I do think so. Only, I need to make a good plan.

Ah, and another thing: Call W.

----------

Feeling a bit “isolated”. Mostly my own fault, I guess. I should go out more to meet people. Hmm.... but-er... some one has got to work here... and as there is no one else but me... :’(

----------

Leon Russell - ha, my music of the week! I had a single “A Song For You”, I really loved the song when I was... er... 10? 11? .... Again, what a strange kid I was.

Now I see all those comments on the vids - I agree... “the eyes that can kill” ;)

----------

Oh my.. it’s half past 5 A.M. already. I RRRRREALLY must change my day/night rhythm. I’m such a night owl - I have always been, yes. But these days... it’s so extreme. To adjust only a couple of hours might help... I will try.. I will.

Pfffff... I hear Fox snoring loud. Feel sorry to wake him up....

-----------

Music right now: “Hummingbird” by Leon Russell

The Seasons

2011-05-29T03:19:00.004+02:00

Music: having a Lynyrd Skynyrd night, right now playing “Blame It On A Sad Song” (from “Twenty”)

Mood: lazy

In my glass: Tempranillo/Merlot

I dreamed last night/this morning that I was running and running and running... and running... in a building, from a room to another, up and down the stairs. I don’t remember why, what for/to or what from. And then I woke up very tired and kind of numb. So tired that I decided and promised to myself to have an easy, relaxed and, most of all, lazy day. Hah, I kept my word :)

--------

Brrrrr... it’s so COLD!! My hands are cold, feet are “icy” cold... I look pale, too! I just can’t get warm. A nice hot cup of cappuccino can’t help, either.

...But wine can :) hihihi. After the small glass of tawny port, I got a little bit colour back on my cheek :)))

Yesterday I had my first port wine experience. Tonight I tried it with dark chocolate. Ha, nice! Basically I like dry wine although I appreciate occasionally a small glass of sweet, dessert wine with... er.. dessert, yes.

---------

Er... wait.. yes, “the seasons”.

It’s so cold... as if it had skipped summer and turned autumn again.

Hm, that’s not good! It should not skip any season because each and every season has its meaning/function/work and it should “turn” and “come” again in this particular order. That’s the way, the law.

----------

I didn’t even touch my cameras today. Hm, I’m sooooo lazy.

----------

*Wishing*

----------

Song now playing “Can’t Take That Way” by Lynyrd Skynyrd, (from “The Last Rebel”)

----------

The Seasons

(Lynyrd Skynyrd)

When the season is turning

And my day has gone by

And to see my reflection

See it in your eyes

Know the day that’s come now has gone by

And if you look now quite closely

You feel the sun start to shine

And you know the day is longing

Longing just for you

The season that’s come now is as fresh as you

And if you look now quite closely

You feel the sun start to shine

And you know the day is longing

Longing just for you

The season that’s come now is as fresh as you

------------

written by Rickey Medlocke

Doors

2011-05-23T01:44:00.003+02:00

Music: Playlist P, now playing “Open Up Your Door” by Richard Hawley

Mood: fine

In my glass: Tempranillo/Merlot (left over from yesterday. Might open a new bottle.)

Perhaps I’m supposed to be feeling sad, blue, down, miserable, hopeless. useless and worthless. Well, strangely and surprisingly, I’m feeling fine... I even dare say “very good”.

I had, of course, my “darkest hours” last night but after a short night sleep on the couch (...Fox was restless again) I feel good. OK, I might be in a state of shock, who knows, but I don’t mind at the moment.

-----------

I’m getting to like oversized Levi’s. I have found a couple of R.‘s old pairs of Levi’s among the piles of “to mend”. First I wanted to get rid of them but... wait a sec... why not keep them and, well, I don’t know... make a skirt or something from them?

I must say - ahem, though I say that myself - it’s kinda cute, I look sweet in the big, oversized jeans :)

-----------

My house looks a lot better now as Hans has been working on it (...poor me, poor my bank account... :’( ) But the garden looks terrible... And inside the house... oops, even worse! I really have to get rid of all those papers and junk stuff.

-----------

It feels like all the doors are closed at the moment. And I can’t find the keys. Or do I even have the keys?

-----------

Yep, I’m going to get another bottle... hm.. which one shall I? Heehee, a happy moment ;)

-----------

Music now playing: “I Don't Want To Be With Nobody But You” by Stevie Salas, feat. RK

"End of the World"

2011-05-22T04:35:00.003+02:00

....Oh no...Fox is whining.. ...and whining.

He’s so confused and... so am I.

It’s going to be another couch night for me.

I know, I don't look like worrying.

But, to be honest, I was secretly wishing for the End of the World :|

“Why does my heart go on beating?

Why do these eyes of mine cry?

Don't they know it's the end of the world.

It ended when you said goodbye.”

“What’s up, girl?”

2011-05-22T01:17:00.007+02:00

Music: “Heartbreaker”/Free, now playing “Wishing Well”

Mood: calm.. “or how should I feel?”

In my glass: Tempranillo/Merlot

--------------

L. & L.:

L. is like a big bro to me. L. and his wife L. have their door always open for me. I often go to them... just to say Hi... or to tell my story... or to ask for help (well, that’s the case mostly).

Like tonight, I’d walk up to them and knock on the door. He would then say as always, “hey, come inside, what’s up, girl?”. He’d put on some music and pour wine.

He’s leaving - leaving us all: his wife, his friends, his family.... and me.

He says he’s ready to go. But we aren’t ready to lose him. I am not.

Tough.

---------------

Tonight everything seems to be just as usual - I don’t see any sign that the world is going to end... Hm, but there are some hours left today - dunno which time zone God has in His mind. :P

...Not that I believe in that story... I don’t even know what it is about,

--------------

I was going to keep the mailbox tab closed this weekend. But then, stupid of me, I had forgotten to turn off the sync function of my phone. I heard the phone *beep* a couple of times - yep, those comments/news on FB pages :(

Right... as I say, it’s like pulling a tooth; better have that done as quickly as possible. Plus, I’d better have this Sunday as a “recovery day”.

Ach, it’s indeed like pulling a tooth. It leaves a big bloody empty hole but it will heal eventually.

Hm... btw, I still have this big empty hole - from last week Saturday - in the gums back in my mouth :s. It still kind of hurts - like, pounding and *yuck* n *ouch*!. It’s been 8 days already, how long will it have to take??? I don’t remember how it was the last time when a wisdom tooth had been pulled.

Ah, see? So, I won’t even remember it. It’s all like pulling a tooth.

(Well, I do remember, though, it was painful.)

---------------

Tommy Shaw’s new album sounds GOOD! :D

I listened to his interview on a radio show yesterday. Yeah, my Damn Yankee TS plays bluegrass.... who would have thought... But-but-but, on his “7 Deadly Zens” there was a track he had recorded with Alison Krauss... Ya, right-o.

And, a good friend of mine A. says, “sooner or later, they all discover bluegrass. That’s how it goes”.

OK,

---------------

Free - a favourite of L.’s.

Now playing: “Love You So” from “Highway”.

---------------

How Should I feel

(Tommy Shaw)

I’ve been thinking about your number

In the middle of the night

Trying to remember

From somewhere in my head

Without turning on the light

Everybody has an answer

To this problem that I have

Yeah it seems so easy

Tumbling from their lips

I just have to laugh

I call your name

And I am healed

I look for an answer

Tell me how should I feel

I’ve been pulling out your pictures

Now I'm pulling out my hair

And I’m looking for the answer

In the bottom of a bottle

But I can’t find it there

I call your name

And I am healed

I look for an answer

Tell me how should i feel

I’d love to ask you tonight

But your lips are sealed

If I can’t be lonely tonight

Tell me how should I feel

I would love to change the world

And I would love to change the world

And I would love to

I call your name

And I am healed

I look for an answer

Tell me how should I feel

I’d love to ask you tonight

But your lips are sealed

If I can’t be lonely tonight

Tell me how should I feel

If I could change the world tonight

I would love to change the world

Love to change the world

-----------

written by Tommy Shaw/Jack Blades

(Laughing on) Judgement Day

2011-05-21T03:00:00.006+02:00

Music: “Laughing on Judgement Day” by Thunder, right now playing “Fire To Ice”

Mood: coming around slowly

In my glass: Merlot

Hm... I was wondering.... and googled and found out that it’s tomorrow “Judgement Day”. Really? Is the world going to end tomorrow? Oh no, I have just bought enough wine for coming 2 weeks... What a waste it’s going to be then :|

Well, er... I said I had 2 big wishes.. but if the world ends tomorrow... it changes the whole story. I have only one big wish, which is... ...ahem, I’m going to handle it later tonight.

----------------

Er... I made some notes this past week..., like...

I’m so desperate that I would have to commit a crime to be “wanted”. :’( Oh well... perhaps not because it depends “wanted by whom?”.

*SIGH*

RK sings:

“Your sweet eyes keep teasing me

How can I resist

I know that it’s gonna catch up to me when we kiss”

He must be from Venus. LOL, I haven’t read that book so I actually don’t know what it is about, the Venus and Mars thing.

My planet is, btw, Mercury, that symbolize “communication”. ...Hm. OK.

So, the world ends tomorrow, right?

Good I had a nice, relaxing Friday today. Carpenter-friend H. had a day off and I could sleep in a bit :) It felt as if I had slept for 11 long hours... if fact only 6 hours and a half. I need to catch up my beauty sleep!!!! Oh well, what would it matter now? Peeps, it’s JUDGEMENT DAY!!!

...I’m a slow runner, can’t run fast enough.

Tune now playing: “Like a Satellite” by Thunder (from “Laughing on Judgement Day”)

-----------------

Catch Up To Me

(Richie Kotzen)

Are you gonna show me this time?

Are you gonna pick me up and say you love me?

Are you just another thing for me to run from?

So I run, I’m running from love

I know that it’s gonna catch up to me so I keep moving on

I don’t wanna let love touch me the way that I know it does

I never let nobody close to me, enough to let me down

But I know that it’s gonna catch up to me somehow

You say I’m just wasting my time

But you know I’ve been wasted my whole damn life

I’d take another shot of anything to numb me

Cause I’ve got to roam and stay unknown

I know that it’s gonna catch up to me so I keep moving on

I ain’t gonna let love comfort me knowing what it’s always done

Those good times keep teasing me

How can I resist

But I know that it’s gonna catch up to me when we kiss

I know that it’s gonna catch up to me so I keep moving on

I don’t wanna let love touch me knowing everything it does

All this time your teasing me

How can I resist

I know that it’s gonna catch up to me somehow when we kiss

I know that

It’s gonna catch up to me somehow

I never let nobody close to me, close enough to let me down

Your sweet eyes keep teasing me

How can I resist

I know that it’s gonna catch up to me when we kiss

-----------------

written by Richie Kotzen

No such thing...

2011-05-17T03:41:00.003+02:00

Music: Playlist “top rated”, now playing “No Such Thing” by Tommy Shaw

Mood: Pfffffff.. wwwwowie... bowsie-bow-wowsie... “Texas size heartache” (ha!) (+ toothache)

In my glass: Cabernet Sauvignon

Wondering if I can say, when I’m going to die, “I had a good and happy life. I’m ready to go.” Hm... I’m trying but not there yet. ...Well, but would one ever be there? There... where?

I have “been there, done that”... in a positive way ;) I have always listened to my heart.. except for “those particular” years :P.

And, I wonder, too, if anybody would miss me.

*Deep, big sigh*

I’m very much behind the schedule of my work.. due to a *small* miscalculation for the weekend.

Oh ya, the magic wand...

J. said, “Here I give you a magic wand but you can use it only once. What would be your wish?”

....Er... only once?? Hm.. I have 2 big wishes at the moment... But OK... One wish.. then it must be that D-thing. Because that is where it all ends AND begins (right?).

I’m working on it - maybe not fast enough... but I am. And when it’s over, we, the OM-girls, go to NYC to celebrate that! Hah, a wild plan.

There are moments that I don’t see any difference between “the safety-zone” and.. er.. let me put it for now “this danger-zone”. Ach, but what can I do?

“There’s no such thing as the perfect love”

Nothing is perfect in this world, me thinks.

But it’s not the tonight’s song. ...Some other time.

Bleh... it’s going to be a heavy week. I wonder how many hours I will have to sleep.

Song now playing: "River of Pain" by Thunder

-------------------

Tell Me Lover

(Vince Gill)

Tell me lover tell me what you're gonna do

You gonna walk the walk or just talk the talk

Honey what's up with you

Tell me lover tell me how it's gonna be

You gonna mess around or just turn me down

Honey won't you please tell me

Your good intentions ain't too good no more

You answer questions by slammin' that bedroom door

Come on baby let's turn the lamp down low

I'll solve your problems so honey please don't go

Tell me lover tell me what you're gonna do

You gonna walk the walk or just talk the talk

Honey what's up with you

Tell me lover tell me how it's gonna be

You gonna mess around or just turn me down

Honey won't you please tell me

If the silence could kill honey we'd both be dead

It ain't hard to tell we're hangin' on by a thread

Say somethin' darlin' say what's on your mind

We'll find the answer I got nothin' but time

Tell me lover tell me what you're gonna do

You gonna walk the walk or just talk the talk

Honey what's up with you

Tell me lover tell me how it's gonna be

You gonna mess around or just turn me down

Honey won't you please tell me

Tell me lover tell me how it's gonna be

You gonna mess around or just turn me down

Honey won't you please tell me

------------

written by Vince Gill (?)

I'm in...

2011-05-14T04:43:00.000+02:00

HEAVEN.

IN THE 7TH HEAVEN.

Just because...

2011-05-07T02:43:00.002+02:00

Music: Playlist “top rated”, right now playing “Home Is Where The Heart Is” by Lyn. Skyn.

Mood: Sweet... ...ya, I think so.

In my glass: Merlot

:))

:)))

:))))

:)))))

:))))))))))))))))))))

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

:’)

:”)

..... Just because.

Music now playing: "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica (ha, been a while!)

...”Make a wish...”

2011-05-01T05:09:00.002+02:00

Music: Playlist P: now playing "Lagrimas de Oro" by Manu Chao

Mood: er... pfffff... still "yo-yo"ing

In my glass: Syrah

Kinda funny (er... no, not funny AT ALL) that he says that.

Well, I hope so..., I do. Although I should know by now it will not.

Hm..., ach,... I’m only wishing.

The time is never right....

2011-04-28T02:15:00.004+02:00

Muisc: “Double Vision” by Foreigner, now playing “Spellbinder”

Mood: ...well, it’s Wednesday night and I’m so tired and down.... bleh.

In my glass: Syrah

...Pff.... still working... and I think 3 more hours to go... Yikes!!

Now I’m here only for a moment because I just want to... well, ... “scream” something (but I can’t... :’( )

(__________________________!!!!!!!! Do you hear me, Mr.__?????... ...*sigh* No, of course not....)

-------------------

I Have Waited So Long

(Foreigner)

I have waited oh, so long

Please don't tell me baby I was wrong

Dreaming of you every night

Holding back until the time was right

I've counted the days, day after day

Since we've been apart

Now I've found my way, I've found my way

Right back to your heart

I've been searching for you every where

Calling you, but you were never there

Seeking in the dark of night

Hoping one day you would shine a light

I've counted each day, day after day

Since we've been apart

Now I've found my way, I've found my way

Right back to your heart

I have waited oh, so long

Please don't tell me baby I was wrong

Dreaming of you every night, every night, every night

Holding back until the time was right

Ooh, I have waited so long

Aah, don't tell me I was wrong

I dream of you, I'm dreaming of you baby

Don't go away

------------

written by Mick Jones

“It’s your garden...”

2011-04-18T02:13:00.001+02:00

Music: Playlist L, right now “Love Walked In” by Thunder

Mood: ...yo-yo...

In my glass: Nero d’Avola

Found a text message from A. last night (ahem... 4:30 this morning) when I was going to bed, that he’d have a gig on Sunday (yep, today) afternoon. Ah, nice! It’s been such a loooooong time since my last concert/gig. Yay, photos, photos!!

Er.... then, today I came home without photos of the gig. My goodness. What’s happened to me???? Well, I can explain :P

It was just much, much, much tooooooo crowded. They played at a small café and when I arrived at the venue - I wasn’t late at all!! - it was, oh boy, really packed! For a moment I even thought I’d better go home.

Well, alright. I decided to stay for the first set to say hi to A. Then I met a few people I know and had some nice chat. Ya, I had a good time there :)

That’s something I seldom do - going to a café (or anywhere) on my own (ok, today it was not strictly “alone” cos I was expecting to see A. there of course). I think I should do that more often.

Er... wait, today’s title... “It’s your garden...”

Ya, right, so, my garden is really a mess right now. After a year-and-more long negligence (er...no, no, no! I was away for almost half a year, remember??) it looks/is really like a jungle. Once I was an enthusiastic (though I wouldn’t say “good”) gardener, watching all those gardening programmes on TV and such.

Now, when I look at that massive green (and yellow of the dandelions) I don’t know where I should start, I feel so depressed.

*Sigh*. RRRRRRRIGHT. I promised to myself to go in “my garden” every day even if it’s only for 5 minutes. Even if only to stand or sit there.

It’s a mess but it’s my garden.

Er.. well, what I actually wanted to quote was: “Don’t listen to your neighbours. It’s your garden.”

By the way, my beighbours (on both sides) have beautiful gardens, very tidy. :(

(Ach, but it’s not what I want, a tidy garden)

OK. Fox woke up. Feeding and walking time. Then I’ll make some nice hot tea for myself.

Tune now playing: “Fall At Your Feet” by Jesse Cook

(ah... )

Wishing....

2011-04-16T02:23:00.002+02:00

Music: Playlist L, right now playing “Tell Me Lover” by Vince Gill

Mood: wishing

In my glass: Cabernet Sauvignon

Today’s fragrance: Summer HIll

Had a serious plan this morning to attend a “walk-in-consulting” (??)

Um.. I’m so, so, so... too tired for that. I will next week. (Oops.., I need to start adjusting my day-night pattern NOW).

I have many things I WANT to do... but, oh my, even more things that I MUST do...

Wishing you were here.

Tune now playing: "Like A Satellite" by Thunder

Er... sorry, what?

2011-04-11T03:15:00.004+02:00

Music: Playlist “Top rated”, right now playing “Catch Up To Me” by RK

Mood: complicated

In my glass: Chardonnay

Fragrance: Sonoma Valley

....So, he says: “I was flirting with you at that party, but you didn’t even notice that, did you?”.

Huh??? Er ....No, I, indeed, didn’t.

I mean... What? Who? What? Me? You? WHAT?????

Er.... ??????

Hm...

Music now playing: “Love Walked In” by Thunder

(but Love Would Not Walk In... I should know by now that it’s a “no-no” when it’s only me who... er... :’( )

...It takes two to...

2011-04-09T04:17:00.004+02:00

Music: Havana Café, right now playing “Me Gusta La Rumba”/by Orquesta Cubaztecas

Mood: *sigh*

In my glass: Cabernet Sauvignon

Well, they say it takes two to tango.

...Hm... you can’t rumba alone, either, can you?

...So I change the music.

“Lagrimas de Oro” by Manu Chao

(or can they be “rojo”? I think tears are more wine-coloured than gold...)

Spring-sprang-shattered

2011-04-02T00:54:00.003+02:00

Music: Playilst L, right now playing: “Lie To Me” by RK

Mood: ..bbbbwwwaaaoh...

In my glass: herbal tea (“Tension Tamer”)

Woke up, checked emails and found out that the meeting had been cancelled.

Hm... ok,... well, probably I should have got up right away but I crawled back to bed instead... “Just another hour...”.

Ooops... it was already dark when I finally woke up. Gees. I think I have then slept for something like 13 hours in total... or more. Ah, but, I really needed it, yes... really. It was after 4 this morning when I finally finished my work for the night. And then.. always the same, I was so, so, so tired and sleepy but couldn’t (for 60% “could not”, for 40% “did not want to”) sleep

And now, I hope this Tension Tamer can tame my tension so I can sleep well tonight - hopefully in a couple of hours.

Wish I could do magic.. knew a trick or two.

But alas, all I know and I can is going straight. ...And then hit my head on the wall :s

The weatherman says it’s going to be a real nice warm Spring day tomorrow. Really?

Song now playing: “Bleeding Love” by The Baseballs

(..and then, while I'm editing this post: "I Promise I Will" by Wilson Hawk)

---------------------

Bleeding Love

(The Baseballs, originally by Leona Lewis)

Closed off from love

I didn't need the pain

Once or twice was enough

And it was all in vain

Time starts to pass

Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened

For the very first time with you

My heart melts into the ground

Found something true

And everyone's looking round

Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear

But they talk so loud

Their piercing sounds fill my ears

Try to fill me with doubt

Yet I know that the goal

Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the risk

That comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness

I see your face

Yet everyone around me

Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

And it's draining all of me

Oh they find it hard to believe

I'll be wearing these scars

For everyone to see

I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

---------------

written by Jesse McCartney/Ryan Tedder

I love you because....

2011-03-26T04:13:00.012+01:00

Music: SRV, right now “Change It”

Mood: “bucking up” slowly but steadily

In my glass: Sauvignon Blanc/Semillón (Chile)

Lazy day.... ah, it must be Friday... :P

I should have worked instead of having a lazy day. Ach.... I need to clear and empty my head before this working weekend. I have a translation job for this weekend... finally something else than my regular, weekly news stories! Yay! Hm, no, I’m not feeling like working. But each and every cent and euro is very welcome right now! Besides, this job is, as I said, much more fun to do than newspaper articles. So, no, I won’t complain..... no.. no.

Yesterday I had my hair dyed; yep, it’s that time again... I was all grey! It was nice weather and I decided to walk to town.. and to the salon, of course. It takes about 40 mins.

On my way, I noticed I was humming this old song... “I love you because”. It was one of my fave songs in my school days (this one was from my junior-high days), I had the record as well :)

Well, it’s in French and my knowledge of French stops at a few cooking terms so I don’t know what is all about. All I can sing along is the line “I love you because...”.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1hvXNMB6k0 (only audio)

LOL! Ya, laughing.. cos.. I liked the song (and some others of Polnareff’s) but not enough to study French later.. (I did buy a F/J dictionary, I remember). Funny if I think how I got to study Russian instead.

Music now playing: “The Sky Is Crying” by SRV

-------------------

I Love You Because

(Michel Polnareff)

I love you... because

I love you because
Cette fois j'ai envie d'autre chose
I love you because
Tu es la seule qui n'aime pas les roses

I love you because
Tu es la seule la seule la seule la seule
Oui I love you because
Tu es la seule qui ne donnes la main à personne
La seule qui m'étonne

I love you because
Toi ta rose n'est même pas éclose
I love you because
Ton silence à toi me repose

I love you because
Tu es la seule la seule la seule la seule
Oui I love you because
Tu es la seule qui ne donne ta main à personne
La seule qui m'étonne

I love you because
Tu es la seule, la seule qui n'es pas jalouse
I love you because
Tu ne veux surtout pas qu'on t'épouse

I love you because
Tu es la seule la seule la seule la seule
I love you because
Tu aimes autre chose
I love you, love you because
Tu ne m'en demandes pas la cause

I love you because
Tu n'es pas une virtuose
I love you because
Tu es si jeune si jeune si jeune si jeune
I love you because
Tu aimes autre chose

I love you, love you because
Cette fois, cette fois j'ai envie d'autre chose
[Paroles précédentes]
I love you because
Toi c'est autre chose

---------------

written by Jean-Loup Dabadie/Michel Polnareff