Kiyomi and the Gang

Why....

2009-10-07T02:59:00.001+02:00

...Why now and why me????? WHY?!
:'(

Home...

2009-09-15T02:18:00.009+02:00

.....Where's my "home"?

Grey

2009-07-15T04:10:00.000+02:00

Music: “Fooled Again”/Richie Kotzen
Mood: grey
In my glass: Tempranillo

Yew... Been dizzy for 2 days and only now I’m finally feeling better a bit.
Guess it’s that dysautonomia striking again :s
Yep... I’m soooooooo tired.

Tomorrow I’ll have some GOOD massage! YAY, I can’t wait!!

Song now playing: “Fade Into the Sun”/Thunder

Just Another Suicide...

2009-07-13T02:42:00.002+02:00

Music: “Just Another Suicide (You Wanna Know)”/Thunder
Mood: er... sleepy but can’t sleep...
In my glass: Tempranillo

Er... there are at least two obstacles:
1) I would not want to leave this and that and everything behind like they are... in this mess!! I should, when I go, leave things “neat and tidy” behind.
2) I would not stand the pain. Ooh, - any pain at all!

So, don’t worry, K., it’s not an option. Well, I’d rather sleep in a few hours.. or... a day (or two) if my sweet beloved Fox would allow me to.. ;)

Song now playing: “Just Another Suicide (You Wanna Know)”/Thunder
(on continuous repeat mode)

The Last Waltz

2009-07-11T03:17:00.001+02:00

Music: “Amy’s on the Run”/Thunder
Mood: ...er... what should I call it... “self-destructive”, perhaps?
In my glass: beer (about to finish it)

....
rrrrright.... “on the run”... “Kym.’s on the Run”.
Ach.. only a bit sentimental. Need some good sleep, that’s all.

Thunder don’t exist after this weekend. Alright... I’m “old” enough to cope with that.... Except that I... I.. pffffff....

There are so many “chapters” and “books” that I *must* finish and close. Got to hurry....

------

Song now playing: “A Million Faces”/Thunder

Sleepy

2009-07-06T03:30:00.001+02:00

Music: “The Way You Treated Me (You’re Gonna Be Sorry)”/Robben Ford
Mood: Beh!
In my glass: beer

I’m very, very sleepy - too sleepy to go to bed. Too sleepy to do all my night rituals.

Been a long and tough day (but also comforting) with lots of thinking.

Music now playing: “Change”/Richie Kotzen
(..yes, yes... I know... got to change...)

Just wondered..

2009-06-25T02:17:00.009+02:00

Music: “An Old Fashioned Love Song”/Three Dog NIght
Mood: nostalgic
In my glass: French red

...Just wondered... if FEN still exists. That’s the radio station (“Far East Network”) on which I used to listen to “AT40”.
(...ah, and to "The Wolfman Jack Show"!)

-------
Ha! ...Ok, I have just done some research... ;)
It's called "AFN" (American Forces Network) nowadays.

-----------------

Wolfman Jack
(Todd Rundgren)

Hey baby, you're on a subliminal trip to nowhere
You better get your trip
Together before you step
In here with us!

Full moon tonight, everything's all right
Baby come on back to wolfman jack
If you want yourself a day man, well I don`t mind
You just ditch him when the sun goes down
Cause the moon shines bright
And everything's all right
When the wolfman, he creeps into town

Now you maybe want a man who throws round his money
But he ain't as cools a wolfman jack
And you might want yourself a man
Who don't act so funny
But he ain't your fool like wolfman jack

I don't mean to treat you evil
I'm just a good boy gone bad
But if I catch you after dark walking through the park
I'm just liable to do something mad

You maybe think you know what love is about girl
But it's nothing til it's wolfman jack
And everybody knows, you go round and shout it
That your only thrill is wolfman jack

Full moon tonight, everything's all right
Baby come on back to wolfman jack
I may miss your loving while I'm on my back
But you can't escape from wolfman jack
You can't do this to me

Look me in the eyes baby, now you cut that jive
You know the wolfmans just about
The number one cat alive
You got my great big eyes spinning round in my head
How could you love another man instead?

----------------
written by Todd Rundgren

Deep Down

2009-06-19T02:27:00.000+02:00

Music: “Deep Down”/Joan Armatrading
Mood: deep down
In my glass: Italian white

...I feel a big wave of depression coming up...
Oooph...
Well, I must confess that it’s kinda “comfortable” .... in a way. Don’t know how to explain.

Silence

2009-05-21T00:49:00.002+02:00

Music: Playlist “My top rated”, right now “Bad Things”/Richie Kotzen
Mood: melancholic
In my glass: French red (it's a cheap bottle but tastes good tonight!)

Sometimes I really wish I had someone to talk to. Talking to myself doesn’t help much.
Or, I need, actually, someone who is patient enough to wait till I start to talk about what I want to say. Someone who could listen to my silence, to what I can’t put in words.
I don’t remember if... er, I don’t think I ever had one. Well, alright, it’s me perhaps - because I often don’t know what to say and how to say it and I just keep silence. And it takes just so long that nobody will want to wait.
So... I guess I should learn to “talk” first.

--------------

Ha, but.. sometimes for a certain subject I dare... I mean, I really DARE!
I haven’t written about it here yet:
It was my last chance to see him so I finally told him what I always had wanted to say. My mission accomplished, that’s a good thing. But since then, I feel so empty, that’s a bad thing :(

---------------

And my study:
I’m not doing well. Technique - that’s my weakest point. It was, too, a year ago. Means, I’m not improving very much. I wonder if I ever will. I’m so hard to learn.

---------------

Song now playing: “High”/Richie Kotzen
(There are so many RK’s songs in the playlist... but yes, yes... so are Thunder’s!!)
Ah, see? It’s now “River of Pain”/Thunder.

Light

2009-05-03T02:56:00.007+02:00

Music: "A Woman in Love"/Joan Armatrading
Mood: Pffffffff....
In my glass: French red

I have decided to give up on this year so I have at least one worry less (for now). Well, the big Q now is if I may repeat the second year. And, if I may, the even bigger Q is... if it's not a waste of time.

But anyway, it’s nice to be able to breathe - a little bit deeper - again (...for now).

Light

Music now playing: "You Need To Be With Me"/Susan Tedeschi

…but I do…

2009-04-25T05:02:00.001+02:00

Music: “Change”/Richie Kotzen
Mood: :(
In my glass: just finished beer

…You wouldn’t see me cry… but I do. I do cry.

Where Are You?

2009-04-03T03:32:00.006+02:00

-----

...Where are you?

Change

2009-04-02T04:51:00.002+02:00

Music: “Change”/Richie Kotzen
Mood: …gotta change…
In my glass: Malbec

“…Nothing's gonna change ‘til you change…”

Another phrase that suddenly caught my attention.
It has happened twice before: the first time it was “…home is where the heart is…” and the second time was “…I can’t stand another day, I can’t stand another day…”

This “Change” is such a beautiful song… but so, so, so sad. It even kinda hurts.

------------------------

Change
(Richie Kotzen)

You keep runnin’ but there’s no escape
You try to move but you’re lying in the way
You look around and all your friends
Have been through what you’re doin’
And you’re doin’ it all thinkin’

Everything is gonna change
But life ain’t gonna wait
You can fight it but you know it
Never will change
Ain’t nothin’ gonna change ’til you change

You’re goin’ out tonight, been up two days
You’re dead inside but you’re still awake
You walk around and everyone is tellin’ you you’re beautiful
And you’re doin’ it all thinkin’

Everything is gonna change
But life ain’t gonna wait
You can fight it
But you know it
Never will change
Ain’t nothin’ gonna change ’til you change
’Til you change

So far away from your home
No voice of reason, completely alone
You know your shadow won’t keep you warm
…..

You just keep on wishin’
Everything is gonna change
But life ain’t gonna wait
You can fight it
But you know it
Never will change
Ain’t nothin’ gonna change ’til you change
’Til you change

Change
Change….

-----------------
written by Richie Kotzen

Isolation

2009-03-27T00:22:00.002+01:00

Music: Playlist 060309, right now playing “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” by Popa Chubby
Mood: Down and isolated.
In my glass: mint tea

…have no proper internet connection at the moment. Well, I CAN be online in some way… ah, but it’s a long story. To make it short, I have a new computer, which requires a different type of connection. I still have my old pc and old modem.. but you know, the reason why I bought a new computer is that the old one was acting very weird.
..Ach, anyway, .....
I just hope there will be a new connection very, very soon…

Many things have happened (and have not happened) since my last entry, I have some bad news… and also good news to tell.
Still, not being able to be online as I want, I feel so isolated :(

Music now playing: “Don’t Wanna Talk About Love” by Thunder

Tired and Sleepy

2009-01-26T02:22:00.001+01:00

Music: “Tired and Sleepy”/Bill Wyman’s Rhythm Kings
Mood: @#!^$*(&^$*%_+#@!!!!!!!!! AAARRRRGG
In my glass: Hot choco with rum

“…I’ve got to go to bed ’cause I’m tired and sleepy…”

Yes, I am.. very, very tired and sleepy.
I was not feeling well tonight.. I mean.. feeling very ill – shivery and aching everywhere. I thought I might have a fever.. but no. I took my temperature and saw it was not even 36 (35.89)! Whoa… I usually have a low temperature… (like 36.2 ) but this is just extreme even for me!
Ha! A good excuse to make a hot choco with (loads of rum) and go to bed. I have also put 2 hot water bottles in my bed – it should be nice and warm there by now ;)

Pfff.. hope it’s going to be a better day tomorrow.

I can’t help myself…but-er…

2009-01-18T00:29:00.001+01:00

Music: “I Can’t Help Myself”/Van Zant
Mood:: mixed
In my glass: French red

I know one thing now… that I feel better when I’m taking photos. Just any photos.
So,.. I guess that’s what I should be doing now.

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Song now playing: “So Sad Today”/Thunder

“To know, write.”

2009-01-13T02:18:00.002+01:00

Music: “Good Morning Miss Brown”/Taj Mahal
Mood: even lower
In my glass: French red

“To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.”

Another teabag wisdom.
Right…
I have a lot of problems right now and don’t know where to start. I think I’m going to “write” this week…to know what exactly my problems are and what I can/could/should/ do about them.

SIGH

2009-01-11T03:43:00.002+01:00

Music: “Radar Love”/Thunder
Mood: very low
In my glass: just finished my toddy (rum, honey, lemon, lime, zest and hot water)

…yes, I have just finished my toddy. I’m not feeling very well since yesterday.. shivers, sore throat.. that kind of things – not too heavy yet, - hopefully it won’t be. Must be the work of these last cold (oh but sooooooo beautiful!) days. I wonder if Fox is alright.. I have a jacket on when we go for a walk but he doesn’t. He’s not really an outdoor dog and I don’t have any shirt or sweater for him (!). Better keep our daily walks short, I think.

Anyways, I put a hot water thingy in my bed half an hour ago. Ha… I’d better turn in now.

Try a little harder…

2009-01-02T00:10:00.005+01:00

Music: “She’s So Fine”/Thunder
Mood: …”it’s a New Year…”
In my glass: just finished French red

A VERY, VERY HAPPY AND “SWEET” NEW YEAR!!
All the best to you all! :)

So,…. Last year, I tried to make most of it … it was quite a challenge as well but anyway it was good of me to try - Well done, Kym. (“pat-pat” on my shoulder :) )
But this year, I should try a little harder… yes, ...er... just a little bit.

My New Year’s resolutions. :)

Try a little harder...

Er…please give me just one more day…

2009-01-01T03:34:00.002+01:00

Music: “I Loved Another Woman”/Fleetwood Mac
Mood: Leaving Las Vegas
In my glass: Hot choco… er.. it’s now empty

Sorry, .yes, I know.. I’m supposed to be “alright” and opening this entry with wishing you a Happy New Year.…
But, sorry, sorry, sorrrry…. :(
I‘m not feeling very well right now… Ponta was cremated today, Dec. 31. And I’m still asking to myself if my decision was not too hasty.

--------------------

Well, right, I do like to wish you all and everyone the very best in 2009! Um… I’m going to come back tomorrow about it (to do that properly).

…Sweet dreams, everyone… …I’m going to bed.

---------------------

Pippie is now following me all the time and to everywhere…. that makes me feel even guiltier.

---------------------

music now playing: "Mississippi Moan" by Bruce Katz Band

Cold outside…

2008-12-30T04:47:00.001+01:00

Music: “My Hallucination”/ShawBlades
Mood: :(
In my glass: Hot choco with rum

I worked for a couple of hours (while I’m supposed to have a week off!). I also mended 9 pairs (!) of Levi’s today.
So, I think I deserve a cup of hot chocolate with rum. Yes!!

It’s very cold outside.

...Beh!

2008-12-29T02:31:00.003+01:00

Music: “Dear John”/Styx
Mood: Pfffff….
In my glass: just finished Echinacea tea. …wouldn’t mind opening a red.

…Am not really cooking lately = not a very good sign.
…Am not even taking pictures = a very bad sign.

I’m doing nothing actually, don’t feel like doing anything.
…Hm.. but I do have a lot of work to do… ..Beh!

Music now playing: “Susie Q”/CCR

Shopping list

2008-12-27T01:59:00.003+01:00

Music: "Everything I Do Is Wrong"/Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones
Mood: miss Ponta so much… :'(
In my glass: French red

My shopping list for tomorrow:
- grapefruits
- mixed salad
- limes
- tomatoes
- cucumber
- milk
- for Fox
- wine
- bread
- cookies/cakes

I have enough food for the weekend in the house. What I really need is a bag of dog food. The rest is just… well, “because-I’m-in-the-shop,-why-not-buy-them-now” kind of things.
Then.. hey, wait a sec, I thought, I could buy me a (Christmas) present…. But I couldn’t think of anything. I guess I have everything I could afford right now. I do have things on my wish list but they are those things that are hard/impossible to get (or anyway, I can’t afford at the moment).

Hmmmm…. Or… perhaps I’ll just drop in Hema and find something *nice* …

Ponta

2008-12-24T22:06:00.006+01:00

Music: “Dear John”/Styx
Mood: ------------
In my glass: …..I’d like to have wine… may I?

I came home alone today.... from the vet’s without my sweet Ponta.
I miss him.

-----------------

Dear John
(Styx)

Dear John I knew you
About as well as anyone
We were the wild ones
So sure those days would never end
Now they're only memories my friend

Dear John I'll see you
Some day again

I swear I saw you
On a crowded street today
I almost called your name
Thinking of all those yesterdays
Heaven help me
How I miss my friend

Dear John I'll see you
Some day again

There'll be celebration
When all will be revealed
We'll have a reunion
High on a hill

Dear John how are you
God knows it's heaven where you are
Find some peace there
May it never end

Dear John my heart knows
We'll meet again
Dear John I'll see you....
Some day again

-----------------
written by Tommy Shaw

BANG! BANG! BANG!

2008-11-10T03:35:00.001+01:00

Music: “Surrender 2 Love”/OL
Mood: better
In my glass: (leftover) red

YAY! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!
Received an email…. THE email!!!!!

…I know I’m so silly… but who cares?? I don’t... not today.
:)